08 June 2010


I attempted to get together with Megane, fully understanding that I would talk with him during my wife's viewing of Glee. Of course, I tell Megane Wednesday, rather than Tuesday... so, since he's not here, a rundown of the schmaltz that comprises both "Glee", the show, as well as the average season finale of a first-year show which needs writers desperately.

We join "Glee" already in process...

0:06 ...as they cut into yet another replaying of "Don't Stop Believing". Considering how many times I listened to that song in the promos of the show....

0:07 "Nine months ago, we sucked". Nothing's changed.

0:07:30 The faux-stalgia ain't working on me. I remember all of the crap that brought the show to this point, all the idiot plot points and nonsense. And now, a Journey medley. If only I wasn't a closet 80's fan, I'd denounce it for the numbskullery it is. (As it is, it's Glee singing Journey, so I can hold back my enjoyment very easily)

0:09 I get to watch my first Eclipse trailer commercial. It's everything that the past two movies was and then some. About time, I'm in the mood for some killer cheese, and this stuff has already proven to be epic. "How are you fixed for some jangly, shoe-gazing music?"

0:12 I knew that the "twist" was in here, the mean cheerleading coach is now the "impartial" judge. Knowing for a week hasn't helped me believe it any more. This show asks too much from my suspension of my disbelief.

0:13 "It's not about winning, it's about us." Every button must be pressed. I wonder if the pregnant cheerleader will be going into labor shortly.

0:14 Journey's only other song, ever. ("Forever Yours, Faithfully")

0:14:30 I'm struck, the female "lead" (Rachel) is wearing a Haruhi hairband. Heh, random moment of the night I suppose.

0:16 Long notes, the fingernails of the world's chalkboard.

0:16:30 "Any Way You Want It", a Rock Band favorite. Not enough to make me forget that the girls are wearing space-cadet inspired golden aprons.

0:17 The crowd's behind them! Is Al Michaels announcing?

0:18 One of the few reasons I enjoy "Don't Stop Believing", other than the weirdly hilarious chorus, is the line "born and raised in south Detroit". I dunno why, but if there's anything that can more express dead-end loser, what is it?

0:19 Ooh, mom and daughter reconciliation! How could I forget the long-lost relative angle? Better yet, it's the pregnant girl! And her water just broke, what a shock. I swear that the above bit about the buttons was written before this.

0:23 "Unnatural History"... no main complaints about the show per se, but shouldn't it be on SyFy or ABC Family rather than freaking Cartoon Network? (Full disclosure: I would probably watch it as an anime, but on the other hand there's so many different directions they could take it in as an anime rather than the goofy kid currently grinning maniacally at me.)

0:24 Queen. "Bohemian Rhapsody", to be specific. I can deal with Journey by mediocre singers, but Bohemian Rhapsody is SO Freddie Mercury, I'm absolutely unable to accept any other versions, even if it's supposed to be an allegory about pregnancy. Of course, it's EXTREMELY unsuitable for a dance choir, as I'm currently experiencing.

0:27 "Bohemian Rhapsody" with glowsticks. Yeah, that's what it was missing. Oh, and every single glee club member is in there with her. I couldn't even smuggle her mother and my sister in when my wife was giving birth last time.

0:28 I finally realized that this is the guitar solo of the show. As played by Stephen Hawking.

0:29 I think I just heard Luke screaming at the end of Episode Five.

0:29:30 So, "choir" is all about one soloist singing for the whole song except for the exceedingly short backup portion at the end of the song. I could use the headbanging beaver at the end of "Loaded Weapon 1" right now.

0:31 Knight and Day. Tom Cruise action. Is there any scenes where he's sad about Goose while trying to pass some gas? I can't see any situation where this isn't cheesy either.

0:34 Haruhi's back and trying to manipulate others. It's so close yet so far to the real show. Speaking of a suspension of disbelief, Haruhi and the rival coach being mother and daughter was a amazingly large leap of faith.

0:36 "Kiss my ass, Josh Groban". There's one redeeming portion of the show, even if Sue voting for her own school is foregone conclusion number.... eight by now?

0:38 And Sue announcing the winners, when one of the judges is a newsanchor and therefore a professional announcer.

0:39 Must say, I'm semi-surprised by the announced winner, though not terribly. Legit arguments for both sides. Though this means that the horrid version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" wins. Hollywood majjic!

0:41 An advertisement for Toy Story 3. I hope fervently that this isn't the beginning of the end for Pixar. Considering this and the Monsters Inc. sequel, I'm not sure.

0:42 Huge on ABC Family. There doesn't seem to be much of a plot other than the large girl telling everyone that she's not changing for their benefit. Decent message for one show, not for a series of them.

0:43 Fox drama, teenagers asking whether or not they want to keep a baby as if they were talking about a cell phone plan.

0:44 Let's set up the next season's drama. And let's make sure to keep the creepy female teacher square in the center of the drama by having her hook back up with the choir teacher.

0:45 Here we learn about how we've all grown since the beginning of the series. I learned that I should listen to the GI Joe lessons at the end of the show more often! With bonus faux-stalgia.

0:47 We've dredged up something from the 50's or early 60's, at least from the sound of the arrangement. Bonus points for something I haven't heard before that's older, but it's still THESE PEOPLE singing it, and the choir teacher biting his tongue in order to provoke tears for the camera.

0:48 I would like to give a shout-out to a group of people who really need to receive kudos, which are the musicians backing these actors. They've done a good job, and the underrated part of any show is the music (rather than the actors they've placed out front as "singers"). Thanks, you guys, I've enjoyed the music at least.

0:50 I'm watching the bastard child of Eminem and Justin Timberlake for a Yahoo ad. I'm amazed that the level of talent is dropping by the second.

0:51 Chevy Traverse, only starting at $29,999. I think that you need three incomes to make it in the U.S. anymore.

0:52 "Raising Hope" on Fox, about a doofus trying to raise a baby. Gramma's wearing a bra, and some unidentified lady is unable to speak. Can't wait for that to go the way of "Sons of Tucson".

0:53 The reveal showed that the show wanted it both ways anyway. Just as above.

0:54 The snark in this show is the high-school equivalent of House adult snark. Every once in a while, you can see that there's a bit of an adult trying to get out, but it needs to grow up desperately.

0:56 This odd thing they call plot, the weird bet thingy or whatever it was that was threatening the glee club is called off on another "surprise" twist. The choir teacher yelling that they've got another year almost completely matches what the cast did when Fox announced that they'll continue paying these actors for this thing.

0:57 One last chance for something more recent than 2000.... oooh, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Swing and a miss, on a pitch bouncing to the plate. One of the most major reasons I enjoy watching AMVs, as stated before, was to hear new and exciting music. As far as the music, I like the 80's stuff... but sung by their artists, not "reimagined". Give me something new and interesting, I've heard the rest of this stuff too much. This is yet another reason I will absolutely defend "House" and pile on this show.

1:00 "So You Think You Can Dance" results. Glee is Shakespeare compared to "Dance".

So, one more year of "Glee". Thankfully, I have Season 1 of "The Mentalist" to watch from Netflix next...

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