Let's Play/MST... Witch Night

Hey guys, long time no post!

It's been a busy last few months for me but the last couple of weeks have been busily spent producing my second Let's Play of the AGS Game 'Witch Night' in time for and in honor of Halloween. Zoogz and I both wrote the script and my sister KizzyCaspy and I performed the voices. You can find both the Let's Play and the Blooper Reel on YouTube at the following links:

http://youtu.be/KlsZXdAH7G8
-- Let's Play... Witch Night

http://youtu.be/YpHz4jlBphc
-- Blooper Reel

All comments and criticisms are greatly appreciated and we sincerely hope you enjoy it. :)

Sincerely,

Megane 6.7 and Zoogz

#2LR Too Late Review: Read or Die the TV series

Review: Read or Die the TV Series:

I'm not sure that I can come up with much of an introduction to this anime series, because what I need to say pretty much comes after the summary in order to be understandable.  For those who want to hew to SPOILER SPACE, I'll try to obfuscate as many of the spoilers as I can get to.


The story of Read or Die is not really reading per se, but the story of paper.  In the great Southern Woods... oh, actually, in Hong Kong, a famous Japanese author, Nenene Sumiregawa, found herself in a bit of trouble. She was saved by a group of women called "The Three Sisters Detective Agency".  The three women are Michelle, Maggie, and Anita.  All three of the sisters have the power to make paper bend to their will, to fold itself and stick itself together, and to move as they want it to. Michelle's power is primarily in making a bow/arrow, Maggie's power is to make animal shapes and activate them much like golems, and Anita's power is to be able to use paper in its deadliest form... to cut others.

The three sisters take Nenene back to Japan, and end up acting as her bodyguards so that Nenene can finish her latest book.  Anita is still young enough to need to go to school, so she enrolls.  One of the other students
there is a very effeminate boy, "Junior", who can walk through walls and/or floors without any problems.

To introduce the remaining characters and their backstory are Nenene's agent, the first evil conglomerate "Dokusensha", and the second evil conglomerate -- the British Library (?!)  As well, Nenene's on the search
for one of the teachers that she most learned from, Yomiko Readman (pun likely intended by the Japanese writers).

The story has quite a few twists and turns... Dokusensha, while paying off the Three Sisters to complete jobs on the side, ends up using Nenene's agent to kidnap her.  It seems that they want to use a set of artifact
books to try to rewrite Nenene's brain.  Their plan goes south when the Three Sisters realize what is happening and mount a rescue mission back to Dokusensha's main offices in Hong Kong to get her back.  As probably predicted, they are successful.  The interesting wrinkle is that they're labeled "terrorists" for causing all this damage to the building, so there is a bit of the cloak-and-dagger involved in the rest of the show.  It almost would have been interesting, but it got relegated to the memory-hole within only a couple episodes.

After those events the Three Sisters end up finding Yomiko Readman, in the halls of the Library of Japan based off of a tip from a local bookstore owner.  Yomiko's in there along with another woman, Nancy, who seems as meek and mild as a mouse.  Both turn out to be hiding from the British Library, the arch-enemy of Dokusensha, as both turned out to be agents.  Yomiko can also paper-bend, and not just to make little folded footballs during class.

And that's when the plot really ends up going off the rails.  See, the British's power from the mid-15th century through World War II was due to "Mr. Gentleman", who they managed to keep alive all those centuries.  He's dead now, and as a result the British Library hatched a plan to "bring him back", as it were, through the use of Junior's body as a vessel.  There's really very little reason for Nenene to be involved, except as we find out later... the British Library (and their aptly title leader, "Mr. Joker") need her to write the Gospel of Mr. Gentleman once he revives... as no one knew who Jesus was except through the record of the Bible.  Of course, Mr. Gentleman will bring the British back to prominence, even at the expense
of historical allies such as the U.S. of A.

Wow.  Well, in the final encounter, Joker *literally* invites all of the main characters save Nancy and an American heavy they picked up along the way to see his "moment of triumph", without really even restraining them much.  In this case, it was Nenene who managed to hide the Three Sisters' paper-based ammunition on herself, only to bring it out in order to save Junior at the end.  And it also turned out that Nancy was like Double-O Eight, though in a far-tighter (and far more revealing) catsuit than James Bond ever had.

I'm pretty much skipping the sideplot of Anita going to school, but that's because you would've cared even less than I did had you watched it yourself.


[Spoiler space OVER]


I suppose that I've been spoiled by a few series lately, even finding some good stuff out of series that would pretty much be one-note (Rosario + Vampire).  I can pretty much say that this series was watched out of sheer dedication to finishing rather than any desire to find out what happens.  I obtained the first few DVDs from the local library, and I literally had three of the discs sit on my dresser for almost four weeks before I finally watched all of the twelve episodes contained therein.

There was exactly one good moment, which was finding out which character was responsible for kick-starting the action portion of the first section of the show (the Dokusensha section).  I had to admit that the writers/animators did a good job hiding who it was, though it wasn't as if there was a huge trail of bread crumbs or anything... it was just one of those left-field surprises that catches you offguard and keeps your attention because of it.

After that though, the whole thing pretty much fell apart.  How to characterize why it fell apart may be difficult except to say that it was way too unbelievable.  I couldn't summon the suspension of disbelief needed for the second half's Macguffin to work with any sort of clarity.  I think it was because even the show was pretty unclear as to how it was supposed to work.

The segments of Anita going to school in Japan were also really... boring.  I couldn't have cared less, and it's not like there was emotion overwhelming and the sequences didn't exactly add any depth or plot or anything to the story.  Late in the series, Anita gets into a fight with Michelle, and I realized why I couldn't have cared less about these school segments... it's because the character of Anita is screechy, rather unredeemable, and there's really no character arc to her to rehabilitate any of those features.  Of course she had a tragic backstory (in these things, who doesn't?) but... well, as a character who ended up becoming a... or really, *the* main protagonist... mark me as uninterested.

Of course, that just leads me into the last "unbelievable" comment.  Even after the backstory which was way too out there to be believable, there's two situations (one involving a helicopter, and then the final encounter) where it's so patently obvious what has happened.  I find it annoying when you can see the bait-and-switch the writers are attempting to write as it is happening on the screen.  It's almost like watching a magic trick when you know the secret behind it.  I wish that at some level, they either A) went for smaller stakes / more permanent *results* in the helicopter thing and then B) had another episode or two to do a far better job of resolving the final conflict, as the ten-minute resolution really sucked.  The final assault should have been at least two episodes... dammit, there's four paper-benders and two special agents assaulting a building that had a fricking LAKE built around it and plenty of airborne and mecha defense.  Yet they find the train that goes right up to it and trick the idiot security guard, even as the evil organization's fantastical defenses make mincement out of a US carrier wing.  Screw that.

Yeah, I know, I should be warning you about the spoiler space, but this is pretty basic stuff that the writers of an anime should look into rectifying, especially if you're going to show how many books all the main characters read... yet the writer(s) go for the massive cliche instead of anything new... and that really becomes the basis of the complaint.

Feel free to watch this show for the action sequences, they're kind of cool. The interplay between Nenene and the Three Sisters is enjoyable especially in the beginning.  Other than that... it's old ground tread upon for the umpteenth time, much like watching pretty much anything on American network TV anymore.  And about the only "dying" you'd do in Read or Die is breaking your neck falling through a plothole.


Final rating: 1.4

Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag Review (XBOX 360 Version)

(Note: My review of the previous Assassin's Creed games can be found 'here'.)

(Warning: Spoilers Follow)

After the overall disappointment of 'Assassin's Creed III', I was both anticipating and dreading this latest chapter of this series. Anticipating because it looked like the ship battles, which I felt were the best feature of 'Assassin's Creed III', were going to be expanded upon and made the main focus of the gameplay rather than a side mission. Dreading because of how many other things 'Assassin's Creed III' got wrong and I feared would simply be continued with this game as well.

Well, thankfully it looks like Ubisoft listened to the fans for the most part because 'Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag' is a significant improvement. It fixes many of the problems I personally had with Part III and more importantly, it's a great deal more fun to play. It's not without its flaws, to be sure, but I personally enjoyed it and it gives me good feelings and hope for the next part as well.

'Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag' takes place in the Caribbean during the latter era of the golden age of piracy. You play as Edward Kenway, father of future Templar, Haytham Kenway and grandfather of future Assassin, Ratonhnhaké:ton from 'Assassin's Creed III'. Edward is a pirate who claims to be solely motivated by gold but as we learn from flashbacks during the course of the game, he is hell bent on providing a better life for his wife, despite her insistence that she loves him regardless and that she wanted him to get a normal job and live a normal life, something Edward refuses to accept.

Fate leads Edward into the path of a turncoat Assassin, whom he is forced to kill and decides to assume his identity in order to scam his way into more gold. Unfortunately this decision leads to him helping the Templars and causing much harm to the Assassins.

Edward tries to ignore the consequences of his actions by focusing on tracking down the location of a place called 'The Observatory', which he convinces himself will lead to riches beyond imagination, by seeking out a mysterious 'Sage' that knows the location. This single-minded obsession leads to tragedy after tragedy, even as Edward's ship grows strong and his wallet grows fat. Will he be able to change his course before it's too late or will he sail himself and everyone else who follows into hell?

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Miles Desmond and Warren Vidic are dead, (Thank RICHARD for that!), and the protagonist is now... well, you. You are a playtester for a software company called Abstergo Entertainment, testing out the genetic memories of Edward Kenway, which will be turned into a sort of virtual reality pirate game. Gee, how meta. ^_^;

Of course it's all a front for Abstergo and the Templars to discover the location of the Observatory, even though they practically run the entire world as it is, or so the games keep telling us, but I guess they have to weed out the Assassins somehow.

"You", however, are blissfully unaware of any of this, as you cheerfully go about your job, until you're contacted by a mysterious stranger and asked to start hacking into Abstergo's computers. As your security clearance is increased, you'll learn a little more about Abstergo, the origins of Warren Vidic and Subject Zero and Desmond’s thoughts before his death.

It's mildly interesting I guess, but I kinda already knew Warren Vidic was a bastard and Desmond is still dull as dishwater so yeah, don't really care. I did laugh though at the shameless attempts to sully the previous protagonists of 'Assassin's Creed' games by Abstergo, bitter much? ;P

Sadly, Shaun and Rebecca only have small roles in this game, which is a shame because Shaun especially was a highlight of 'Assassin's Creed III' and made the historical material in that game less dry to read with his snarky editorials. The "programmers" bantering back and forth during the descriptions in 'Assassin's Creed IV' came off more meta and occasionally too obnoxious for me. Here's hoping Shaun and Rebecca can come back strong in the next game.

Back to Edward's world for a moment, there were many characters to interact with, several of them from actual history such as Blackbeard, Mary Read, Anne Bonny, Sted Bonnet and Black Bart to name a few. And while the above names made an impression, there were others that I could barely remember later when they reappeared and the story lost me a few times, I remember thinking in those times "Who the hell are you again?" ;P

OK, I admit I'm not as knowledgeable on the history of pirates as I am other eras but some of the characters were difficult for me to distinguish from others and it hurt my immersion into the game at times.

As mentioned before, many of the problems I had with the previous game have been addressed. The Assassination missions now have more of a purpose than simply "Kill Templars Dead!" and require more skill and stealth to kill your targets, as in 'Assassins' Creed II'. There are also Naval Missions which usually involve you destroying certain ships or attacking convoys and stealing their cargo.

The ship mechanic is now a central feature in the game and it is SOOOO much fun! Not only do you get to blast the crap out of a ship, you can now board it and slaughter your enemies into submission and steal their cargo, which you can then either sell for gold or improve your ship. I have to say the first time I grabbed the rope and swung onto the deck of the enemy ship into combat, I had a smile on my face a mile wide. :)

As you face tougher ships, there are more challenges put in your way. You might have to climb up to the crow's nest to destroy the enemy's flag or kill annoying scouts taking pot shots at your crew. Or you have to blow up the powder kegs on the ship, ideally without blowing up your own crew members in the process.

You can get a head start with the smaller cannons on your ship and take a few shots, though it's best to do this BEFORE your crew starts boarding the ship, less you blast them by mistake. The longer you take to subdue the ship, the more of your crew get killed so there's pressure there as well.

But as much fun as I had with boarding the ship, I have to mention a couple of nitpicks. At times it was frustrating to fight on the deck of the ship because there are so many people fighting around you that at times you will have great difficulty focusing on a single opponent and will often lunge towards another person without meaning to.

Honestly, the camera can be your biggest threat during these battles as it tends to zoom in close on the action and either the scenery gets in the way or people attack you from off-screen and you can't defend yourself, giving them a free slash or two. It's not a huge deal but it was annoying, especially when it means you have to start the boarding all over again if you die. The scenery getting in the way can also happen in certain locations of the game and if possible, it's always best to move to an open space and fight there to hopefully avoid that problem.

Also, and this has always been a big issue with the Assassin's Creed series to some degree, it is very easy to leap onto the wrong thing or end up balancing on a railing when you meant to leap somewhere else entirely or jump up on an item when you didn't mean to. This problem mostly rears its ugly head during the ship boarding scenes as there is a LOT of background objects on a pirate ship and it can be frustrating when you want to make a grand entrance into battle, only to be thwarted by a railing or a net or a barrel or a cannon or a crate or a... well, you get the idea. ^_^;

Money now serves more of a purpose in this game as there are plenty of things to buy and upgrading your ship is absolutely necessary if you hope to survive later battles against multiple ships or the Man O' Wars and ESPECIALLY if you hope to have a chance in hell of winning a battle against one of the Legendary ships, which provide a true challenge even if your ship is fully upgraded.

You can also upgrade your base with various shops and places to keep your crew happy, along with your own house, in which you can buy art to display. Personally the art didn't really interest me but I can see how others would appreciate it.

Weapons are also more useful in this game as you actually have a reason to use your pistols this time. I admit I saved my money to buy the best available sword and guns but the option to level up slowly is there as well. You also gain the use of sleep darts which can temporarily put down a pesky sniper long enough to sneak past or assassinate him and berserk darts, which makes your enemy go into a blind rage and attempt to kill any soldier in range. Late into the game, you also get a rope dart which you can hang your enemies with.

Hunting animals now lets you craft items such as extra ammo pouches for your weapons or clothes if you wish. You can also improve your armour and raise your health in the process. The hunting mechanics are pretty much the same as the previous game but at sea, you can also hunt sharks and, yes whales as well. This was a subject of controversy for some people but thankfully the option to hunt whales is entirely OPTIONAL and you can buy, at some expense, any animal hides you require and skip the hunting process completely if you wish, and I personally appreciate the choice being given to me.

There are numerous side quests to undertake in this game. Besides the small chests, you can find treasure maps with coordinates to islands where you then rely on visual clues to find buried treasure with more valuable rewards. There are manuscripts that seem to serve no purpose in the game other than historical curiosity, and are usually under guard for some reason, maybe to make collecting them more exciting? Darned if I know.

Collecting Animus Fragments will provide you with cheat codes and other benefits to multiplayer. There are also glass bottles to collect which gives you more insight into the character of 'The Sage' and helps explain events taking place in the real world as well. There is also a multiplayer aspect called 'Kenway's Fleet' but since I don't do multiplayer, I can't comment on it.

In the previous game, there was a rather pointless side quest chasing sheets of paper across rooftops containing pages of Benjamin Franklin's Almanac that gave no real benefits. In this game, however, the papers are sea shanties and they are far more worth the effort to catch them as you can now sing while sailing your ship across the sea. Not only do the songs add a real touch of authenticity to the pirate feel of the game but chances are, you'll be singing along to several of them yourself as they're pretty darn catchy. ;P

One fun side mission was taking out forts on the map, which act as viewpoints in the sea, letting you spot items and towns otherwise hidden. After you successfully crush their defences with your ship, you storm the fort and can either kill soldiers for the fun of it or just skip ahead to killing the officers and the fort commander to claim victory. This also opens additional Naval missions.

There are Templar hunting missions which lead you to keys that will eventually give you access to the now obligatory ultimate suit of armour, though during my playthrough I couldn't figure out how to trigger the mission to find the fifth key for some reason. Fortunately, it wasn't necessary as there was another side quest involving collecting Mayan stones and this gained me access to a... different ultimate suit of armour. Huh, well, nice to have a choice, I guess. ^_^;

One new and fun side quest are underwater dungeons in the form of sunken ships and caves which you can explore about halfway through the game with a diving bell. What make it more challenging is that you constantly have to worry about your oxygen levels and avoiding the numerous sea creatures that will take off your health piece by piece... and scare the hell out of you if you're not expecting an attack. (Fuck you, eels. FUCK YOU.) But the rewards are well worth the effort as many of them give you plans to vastly improve your ship.

So, my final thoughts are this. While I still consider 'Assassin's Creed II' to be the best game of the series so far, I did have a lot of fun playing this game and unlike Part III, this is a game I'm glad I bought and will definitely be replaying in the future.

There are rumours that the next game could take place in China or Japan, which would be of great interest to me and after watching the movie 'Heroes of the East', which I highly recommend if you've never seen it, to be able to use those kinds of weapons and possibly upgrade the fighting engine to include martial art techniques would be all sorts of awesome. Here's hoping. :)

#2LR Too Late Reviews -- Rosario + Vampire

#2LR review: Rosario + Vampire

Most nights, my daughter is the one to broach the subject.  "Want to watch some anime tonight?" is her usual request.  Some nights, she'll ask to watch old archived Strong Bad emails, but it's typically anime that she asks for.  Other than the current dislike of MST3k, I've trained her well.

My wife and I usually get the younger two boys off to bed by this time, and more often than not we're trying to get through a series.  We can't devour one as quickly as my daughter, who's probably watched the vast majority of Full Metal Alchemist through a couple weekends over the past few weeks, but we try to get two or maybe three episodes in of whatever current series we're watching.

My daughter is exceedingly lucky... paying for Netflix and Hulu Plus is perhaps $20 or so a month, and there's quite a bit of choice for streaming options.  Before having this option, I had resorted to three other tactics to watch anime.  One was renting it from specialty stores, which was hit-or-miss considering how many times we've moved.  At one point, I joined a campus anime club, which had a limited library.  And when I say limited, that meant that they would have the first few tapes of a series *but not all of them*, so you had to figure out other ways to finish most series you borrowed.  And as always, your last recourse was purchasing the whole darned series, which ran into the hundreds of dollars for a single series from a publisher (Pioneer, Viz) who cheaped out by putting only two episodes per videotape.

Now?  Well, the two services will end up being a couple hundred per year anyway, and you don't get to own it after you're done.  But that means that if you've really tried, you will have watched more than a few series by the end of that year too.

Why is this important?  It's because I'm now watching series that I probably would not have given a second thought to starting in the old days.  And Rosario + Vampire is one of those series, for a couple of different reasons.

First, a rundown of the plot.  No spoiler space warnings here yet, but just wait...  Tsukune (or, as the English actors kept saying it, "Skoo-nee") is a human who is just getting out of middle school.  His poor grades ensure that no local high schools accept him, so he ends up finding a private school, "Yokai Academy" that will accept him.  Shortly into the first episode, he runs across the main female protagonist of the series, Moka, who happens to be a vampire.  He then finds out that the rest of the school is a collection of monsters that runs the gamut from traditional Western monsters like vampires, witches, naga, witches, female demons -- succubi, to Japanese monsters like kasa-obake, and even into Hindi mythology (example, the Apsara).

One of the first student rules is that no humans are allowed at this monster school.  However, Tsukune feels safe because the kind and sweet Moka has an alternate form that is activated whenever Tsukune takes her seal of power from her.  Moka's alternate form kicks some major butt, though also with a personality change from caring to blunt, slightly egotistical, and self-serving.  It turns out that the barrier that keeps humans out of Yokai Academy would be threatened if there were too many strong monsters there, and Moka's alternate though true form would cause the barrier to weaken. Both Moka types seem to care for Tsukune, but in the beginning of the series it's pretty clear that the blunt (inner) Moka is happy to have him around as a food source compared to the kind (outer) Moka, who likes him as a friend, her first human friend.

This is a harem anime with heavy doses of fanservice, and as such the first four or five episodes introduce all of the other female members of Tsukune's harem.  They include the succubus Kurumu, who like Moka is attracted to Tsukune because he's a human, and wants to breed with him to ensure her line.  To that end, she is forever flaunting her large breasts in and around Tsukune to entice him.  There's a witch, Yukari, who happens to be a genius and was skipped a couple of grades, so she is therefore a couple years younger than the rest of the high-school freshman friends. She gets to be Tsukune's flat-chested lolita (and the brunt of many Kurumu body-image jokes).  There's the "snow woman" Mizore, who has power over ice and cold and also doubles as a creepy stalker for those who want their girlfriends so interested in them that the girlfriend moons over them incessantly.  And by the way, Moka gets to have a transformation sequence every time she's called into battle.

Ultimately, I'm sure you're pretty much guessing what the show is and probably know a good 80% of the plot if you're familiar with the genre.  It's certainly understandable.  You may be surprised to hear me report though, that both my eleven-year-old daughter and my wife enjoyed watching the show, through both seasons one and two (a total of twenty-six).  I was kind of surprised as well, especially since my wife is not exactly a fan of the fanservice in general.  I'm generally not a fan either, because typically the fanservice means that writers are hobbled in trying to get their creations in body-baring situations.  For the same reasons, I'm usually not crazy about harem stories either.  So, what could make this series worth watching?

I would like to think that the characters do a good job of it, surprisingly enough.  When they're not engaging in fanservice, they seem at least slightly realistic, and while there's certainly more than a bit of cliche abounding, it's not... overwhelming, nor particularly painful.  The series does engage in breaking the fourth wall, and between that and keeping the tone mostly light, it's pretty funny.

There are times that the protagonists find themselves in danger, and the main character Tsukune does a decent job of not making himself insufferable.  The plottish parts of the story always seem to raise the overall level of the show.

I felt that they did a decent job balancing the characters in this show... there are some that introduce as harem shows that end up relegating other characters in the background, which always seems a weird choice.  (If you didn't want to write a character in or couldn't make it work, why did you attempt to adapt that manga then?)  They hand lines and conflict to all characters in fairly equal portions, so it feels at least more realistic to storytelling.

Of course, with this show there is a however.  The however is that the fanservice ramps up in season two.  I won't make a catalog of perversion, but suffice it to say that the animators drew big bouncing breasts plus a metric ton of panty shots in season one, and they drew big bouncing naked breasts with a metric ton and a half of panty shots in season two... and they included bringing Moka's transformation sequence into adult territory.  More profane language also crops up in season two, many instances rather unnecessarily.  If you're watching with younger ones already (why?) make sure that if you're going on from season one to season two they're prepared for these things, and if the fanservice or coarse language is why you watch, then you'll want to rewatch season two more frequently than season one.

I have another however though, and that will come with COPIOUS amounts of spoiler space.  (Now comes the spoiler space warning!)


Season one's ending was the possible death of Tsukune, which you knew full well wouldn't happen.  Season two's setup for the ending was that the sweet and kind Moka may not make another appearance again, as Moka needs to use her power seal in order to keep the barrier between monster and human worlds intact and can't use it to make sure that the "outer" Moka is around anymore.

So, the real inner, flawed, self-serving yet unused to people Moka comes out.  And it is clear, she's grown to like Tsukune as a person rather than as a meal.  I'm loving this turn of events for a couple reasons... one is that one of the characters has "grown", and is now even showing her real self rather than the mask that the writers have had her under for the better part of twenty episodes.  I loved it because I thought it was a challenge to Tsukune... and how often do the protagonists of a harem anime get a challenge?  It's not a challenge to fake-kill a protagonist who you know is going to recover, but would the writers be bold enough to change the equation?

I thought that this could bring this show into very interesting ground.  Within the harem-anime setup, you've got multiple female protagonists all revolving around a male antagonist, and there's always a pretty clear method to figuring out which one will "win", aka gain the affection of the male protagonist.  In this show, it was the number of mushy "moments" that Tsukune and Moka would repeat each other's name in the throes of LUUUUV.  To me, Tsukune started off in the series having feelings for Moka based on her personality and her actions... but the Moka he had feelings for really was a mask, only in effect because of a magical artifact that she willingly gave up.  The real Moka came forward, ironically enough through an action of self-sacrifice and love of others, and the real Moka really did have feelings for Tsukune.

So, how does Tsukune respond?  Not by taking Moka as her true self... not by learning to expand or grow his love, knowing that the Moka he has feelings for is inside the Moka that is now there.  Not even by rejecting her and going with one of the other three girls who do have unrequited feelings towards him.

Tsukune's response is to "try to get the old Moka back".  There's no room in his love for a person to change.  Nor is there any room in his love for a person to grow, or for his own love to change, or for him to even have to make an uncomfortable choice.  The ending does show that Tsukune's dedicated to "the one he loves"... he takes on Moka's father, who is set up as pretty much one of the strongest monsters ever, and ends up not getting killed.  Ultimately though, life has messy choices, and in Tsukune's case the one he loves is not really a true person, just a half-a-person, and he's uncomfortable around the other half of the person.  So... what is love?  (baby don't hurt me.)

At any rate, the ending for season two could have set up a fascinating hook for a season three.  The series uses the ten-minute resolution rather than the season-three five-hour resolution that could have made this into a fascinating show in its own right.  It would have allowed this series to grow just as much as it would have shown its characters growing, but that was not in the cards (nor storyboards).

As it is, and in utterly no surprise, the ending brings everything back to the status quo of about four episodes previous, with the added bonus that Tsukune tells us that he's "not grown up enough" to make his choice.  It's too bad that the girls all didn't say, "In that case, we'll find someone grown up enough to stop stringing us along and who's mature enough to handle a real relationship", but that would have ruined the harem just as much, I suppose.  So, the ending reinforces the same escapism that you probably came into the series with, at least.

(spoiler space over)

And the discussion about the ending colors my final review, because I do feel cheated if there's a fascinating avenue that the writer(s) could have taken their creation but didn't.  As you may or may not recall from all of my Twilight movie reviews, I had quite a few complaints about the movies in general... but I was not truly incensed and annoyed with the storyline until Stephenie Meyer took the amazing opportunity that she wrote herself in the end of Book Four (which was movie 4-2) and squandered it completely.  Same as above... the ending to Rosario + Vampire could have catapulted this series into *rewatchability*, to become more true to life than it was before, to explore things that the typical harem anime does not... to grow into something to contemplate and think about deeply, and to maybe even glean a message or three from....... and completely wrote them off.

There was one previous review where I wrote that the ending completely screwed up watching the show, which was Code Geass.  I can't get down on the ending to Rosario + Vampire as much as I can get down on Code Geass's ending though.  On the surface, this series' tagline is "Japanese Twilight as a harem anime with fanservice".  If that's what you're looking for, with the once-an-episode fight sequence and characters that aren't completely brainless, then this is your show.  And as long as you know that what you see is what you're going to get, that there's nothing underneath the surface, then you will probably enjoy watching this show.  I know that I would not have minded the ending as much had I been warned not to raise my expectations, at least.  It's funny, the characters fight, pine, enjoy each other's company, get mad, and generally have fun, and end up at the beginning.  And most viewers will say the same.

Final review for Rosario + Vampire: 2.6 (stripey pairs of panties)

#2LR Game Review - Civilization V, "Brave New World" Expansion -- with bonus partial walkthrough!

Review/FAQ/Walkthrough for Civilization V - Brave New World

Part 1/?

I know, I usually write reviews in this space.  And yes, there's already a place to upload walkthrough and FAQ information online.  I know that because I've already posted one, quite a few years back now, for Railroad Tycoon III, which also helpfully comes up in Google search if you look for "Railroad Tycoon 3 Walkthrough".  I do still get the occasional feedback from it, and I'm glad that I was able to help more than a few people in understanding the game and also to get through the scenarios/campaign missions.

Additionally, I would not be surprised if someone already has posted something akin to this; I'm sure that there are more than a few members of the public able and willing to write this up, and I also know that I am not one of the best Civilization V players out there.  However, I have won games at level five (out of eight), and I'm willing to at least post some of the things that have brought me success in this game.

So... the review! "Brave New World" is the second add-on to Civilization V.  It introduces new civilizations to the mix and also reconfigures one of the major aspects of the game, culture (and culture victories).  Previously, culture was by itself, representing all of the beautiful buildings that a civ could create.  Gain enough culture, win bonuses.  Gain even more culture than everyone else (quite a BIT of it), and if you'd gained 30 total culture bonuses, you'd be eligible to build a "utopia project" (if I remember correctly) which is an automatic game winner.  Chained to this modification is that the bonuses and headings are reconfigured, and there are "governments" that work through the culture menu that allow the world to split into factions somewhat like the Cold War of the second half of the twentieth century.

Now, culture has been split into culture and tourism.  Tourism is gained via either building wonders or earning points toward "great people", split between musicians, artists, and writers.  Get a great writer and you can create a great work of art, which increases your "tourism".  Or, alternately, build the Eiffel Tower and increase your tourism.  Bonuses come along the way to a Civ's tourism.  If one Civ's tourism number goes above another Civ's culture number, then the first Civ is said to be "dominant" (think US/Canada... sorry, northern brethren, though your culture is kinda cool).  If one Civ manages so much tourism as to dominate all other Civs, the game ends with the first Civ winning.

The other major addition to the game is caravans.  Previously, money appeared on the map on river squares and on ocean squares.  Not anymore!  Caravans now take the place of this money trade.  And, quite like historical life, caravans can be used to boost tourism, to spread science, and to spread religion.  They are also the first to go when one civilization declares war on another.  New buildings and existing buildings add bonuses to caravans.

The last update is now there is a "World Congress".  This is much like the modern United Nations.  For those more historically inclined, it seems to work far more similarly to the Congress of Vienna in 1815 after Napoleon's defeat.  Two nations can advance worldwide proposals, such as increasing either scientist or artist generation, or increasing culture, or proposing a "world's fair", and the group of currently active civilizations can vote on it.  There's more to come for this, I sincerely hope, because the proposals are so very limited.  For instance, you can only raise culture instead of lower it... you could also have a "scramble for Africa" setup where either settlers can come with happy bonuses for making new cities/connecting new luxuries, or nations can get bonuses for attacking the single-city nations that proliferate on the map.  At any rate, it's a new wrinkle in the game, though it could have been so much greater.

Taken as a whole... it definitely increases the complexity of the game, and that's not actually a bad thing.  There are additional nuggets hidden within, such as culture playing a very large role in government types that may or may not work.  I quite enjoy the changes that the developers have made, though I certainly hope that they attempt to take some of the changes a bit further to support other aspects of the game that were ignored.

Of course, for a fan of the genre and of the specific game, I would heartily endorse the upgrade and recommend it.  If you're not a Civ fan, or if you're not crazy about where they've taken the game, then feel free to skip to any of the other reviews/articles posted here.  Below this, I will go into some of the strategies that I've been able to make work for me when playing Brave New World on the higher difficulties.

1. Go in with a plan... before the game even starts

Sounds simple, right?  I mean, who doesn't?  However, this means to figure out the basic path that your game will take based on the civilization that you chose (or have had picked for you via random).  I've noticed many times over that the games I have the worst time with are the ones where I just kind of winged it.  When I prepare, I check to see which units/buildings are available, when they're available, and what aspect of the game (e.g. money, military, culture, etc.) the civ's bonus will take.  One recent for-instance was when I played as the Mongols, who have a mounted bowman with ranged attack as their special unit, replacing the knight.  This means that I have a pretty clear path to take out any enemy city or even enemy civ around the middle of the game when Chivalry is researched, so I need to plan to put in place the basis of this plan... have the horses as a resource ready, or better yet have the horsemen already built for a quick cash upgrade.  (FYI, I was taking out cities all the way into the 1900s with those mounted bowmen... when you get them upgraded all the way with +1 range and +1 attack, a group of six can hit for a combined total of 120 points on even a mature city and still stay out of reach... food for thought.)

2. Use the first few turns of the game to refine or rethink your plan.

Who is around you?  Are you in a crossroads or off in a corner?  Hemmed in by city-states or by the ocean? Within ten turns or so, you'll know the type of lands you're starting on (e.g. islands, continents, or a pangaea), but you'll likely have an idea of some of the other civs.  If you are playing against religious civilizations, they might have already formed their pantheons within ten turns, fifteen at the outside.  In the beginning of the game, you're most likely already waiting on either the monument to be built, or a scout (or two), so there's not a whole lot of variance... but then you will be able to figure out if you can start out as a builder, or if you need to get defending.  If you're surrounded on all sides, getting defense is priority number one, to make sure that you can not only keep the other civs out but to be able to exert force if necessary.  If no one is immediately apparent, you could either squeeze out that extra settler or begin that wonder a bit earlier to reap the benefits of the earlier start.

Knowing what the land will give you can tell you whether or not a tall (few cities with lots of population) or wide (lotsa cities with luxuries, small population) will be the way to go.  Tall civs have the ability to build quicker, but don't forget that defense... you can't trade land for time going tall.  Of course, make sure your culture bonuses match your plan too.  The for-instance is the difference between the Tradition and Freedom paths... Freedom gives you +1 per city connected to the capital, while Tradition gives you both a +1 for each 10 population plus a +1 for each two population in the capital.  So an empire with a capital city of 24 and two additional cities of 12 would have +3 happy via Freedom, but a +12 and a +2 from the capital as well as +2 from each of the two other cities, for a total of +14 happiness.

By the way, a surefire way to tell that you're going to get invaded (especially at the higher levels) is when you see a computer civ that only has one city and a marker in the diplomacy screen saying "They covet your lands!"  That means that they've been building pretty much nothing but military since the start, and they're coming after YOU, especially if you happen to have the last-ranked military in the world.  Sniff these threats out as soon as possible.

3. Losing production is NOT an option.

When building new cities, do not let the computer dictate your food/production ratio.  Do it yourself.... or at the very least, set the flag to "production".  You can make up the food via the granary if you care to, but most likely it will be that much more important to get either defense (an archer) or culture (a monument) to consolidate your new gain.

There's a side-effect to not letting the game grow your cities too much as well.  Production drops by percentage points in each city with the "Brave New World" rules when you go underneath zero happiness.  It's better to get the production and to make your few citizens work smarter, not to grow out the city and make the whole rest of your kingdom suffer.

The other side-effect is that there are wonders that are limited by either culture (e.g. Forbidden Palace, Porcelain Tower) or by terrain (e.g. Colossus, Machu Picchu) that a small city could absolutely build if given the time.  A food focus early could defeat this purpose though, especially if you're also trying to build the national wonders (e.g. National College, Heroic Epic) because food-focused cities rarely build all the buildings you need quickly enough to make the national wonders viable.  And also FYI, the Colossus wonder is really far more useful now than it was before.

Oh, and that losing production is not an option?  That goes for wonders too.  Don't go after wonders if your empire can't support it.  Trusting one archer to defend against a horde of Aztec Jaguars while you finish Stonehenge in a desperate attempt to make up for lost religion is pretty much a white flag of surrender.  The best case scenario is that you're defending your cities with a lone archer while getting +5 religion per turn.  The worst case scenario is that you're defending your cities with a lone archer while not getting +5 in religion while at the same time earning a pittance for not finishing your Stonehenge in time.

Even in a normal situation, losing the production is not ever really a good thing.  That's not to say to never build wonders, but to make sure that your empire can support the possible lost production.  The replacement gold is really crummy when you don't make it, and you could have been building a military that could have taken the wonder from the city that builds it anyway.

In the upper levels, when you get past Level Four (Prince) and higher, the computer goes from being even in production to needing less production to finish buildings/projects.  All you have to do to verify this fact is to get to the midgame on a King-level game and view a city that you've sent a spy to.  The city will only need 90% of the production you need in order to finish everything, including wonders.  If you lose 300 production to a failed Alhambra, remember that it could have meant a trebuchet plus two pikemen to take the city that ended up building it... and the gold that you get for the consolation prize is definitely not enough to buy all three units.

Extra hint... the secret to military in the game is that military is how you steal someone else's production.  Not only in taking over cities that have built buildings/Wonders, but even in tying up an enemy Civ's time and resources into building an army rather than building improvements.  An army costs money and does not come with an immediate boost in any resource, unlike a building or a Wonder.

4. Research what you need (and can use) immediately.

This is in reference to two contexts.   In the beginning of the game, there's just so much that needs doing, such as getting the technologies to develop your resources, building certain units (archers/composite bowmen/horsemen), exploration (trireme), and Wonders that you need to get set up.  It may sound trite, but it's pointless to work on a technology that you really don't need.

However, this also has reference to the middle of the game too.  The computer usually goes into specific tracks, especially to pick up currency (to gain Petra) and to get to Civil Service (to gain both pikemen and Chichen Itza).  You can use this to beat the computer either to the Education track, setting up your research for the long haul, or to pick up the lower end of the spectrum (Engineering/Metal Working) so that you can boost your shields and your defenses.  Another way to go is one of the new bonuses in the Commerce track, which is that Landsknechts are available as the second Commerce bonus.  Of course, your defenses will be more than set if you pick up Crossbowmen, and getting all your cities in shape to start setting up a military to deal with those Civs that go in a different direction would be helpful.

Just remember that if you follow the other Civs into the same track, at higher levels they'll be likely to get the upgraded soldiers as well as the wonders first unless you have a solid plan (e.g. a Great Engineer to help finish Wonders, or a ton of catapults/spearmen just waiting for the Civil Service tech to become a pikemen/catapult invasion force).  Whenever a new tech comes up, have either a plan for what you're going to do with the immediate tech or open up the tech screen to figure out a tech that's two or three downstream that you can really make hay out of.

5. Culture

Gotta have it even in the beginning, or else the end game will absolutely suck the bag.  There's two ways to go about it... either build it yourself or take it from someone else.  Just remember a couple of principles here.

--If someone's building culture nearby you and building it quickly, they may have a weak defense.  Getting them to stop building culture could be as easy as declaring war and putting a few troops in position to threaten... as above, forcing them to build military will be tantamount to wasting their production, especially if you defend via ranged units (archers, catapults) with the occasional horseman to keep their own ranged units honest.

--If someone's building it far away, you're going to have to figure out a way to get others around that Civ to declare wars against them, or to build culture buildings as a defense.  And whatever you do, only engage in open border treaties with them when absolutely necessary, and trade with them (via caravan) only when absolutely necessary.  Those two things will help their tourism bonus overwhelm your culture bonus... but their tourism bonus will definitely go down far quicker if they're defeated.  Also remember, one of the culture tracks will raise the tourism bonus for shared trade routes/open borders/shared religion.  Allowing them to buy your extra luxuries can also lead to them getting more happiness and therefore additional culture as well, so be careful when dealing with the culture hog!

This will likely be a three-part series, as I am planning to cover the middle game next and wrap up with the end game.  Good luck!

Grand Theft Auto V Review

Needlessly frustrating.

That's how I sum up my overall experience with this game. I felt 'Grand Theft Auto V' was an asshole when it didn't have to be and much like 'Red Dead Redemption', it seemed determined to punish you for having any sort of fun outside its established parameters within the story mode.

I know this game has already sold like a billion copies so what I have to say here will probably make little to no difference to Rockstar Games or its fans who have declared their unequivocal love for this series. And hey, I loved and still love to play older Rockstar titles like 'Grand Theft Auto: Vice City', 'The Warriors' and 'Bully'. But nowadays, I personally just don't understand the loyalty some people have for this company anymore. Ever since 'Grand Theft Auto IV', it seems to me more and more like Rockstar has forgotten how to make their games FUN.

Warning: Spoilers follow:

You've probably heard a few of the complaints people have had about 'Grand Theft Auto V'. The misogyny, an unskippable torture scene, animal cruelty, unlikable protagonists, etc. Personally, none of those were more offensive to me than the game's overall general attitude towards the player but let's briefly tackle those complaints one at a time.

Misogyny: This has been a staple of the Grand Theft Auto series for some time now. I sold my copy of 'Vice City Stories' after finishing it because I found it to be too vile and hateful towards women, despite enjoying the 80s setting. I've also never liked the idea of being able to kill a prostitute to get your money back after she healed your ungrateful ass in any of the GTA games, but ultimately the choice is given to you whether or not to kill the hooker after sex, so it's on the player.

As for the other women in this game, it's true they're almost all portrayed as either spoiled brats or total bitches and I can totally understand why people would be upset by this but IMHO, I felt the men in the game are almost all portrayed as spoiled brats and/or total assholes as well, so really, regardless of gender, I felt there wasn't one likeable person in the entire game.

Case in point: Fan favorite Lazlow, the only character whose been in every GTA game and whose twisted but still likable character has been slowly sinking into the muck with every new GTA game is now turned into a complete douchebag in order to justify a later unskippable scene where douchebag protagonist Michael De Santa forces the player to torture Lazlow with piercings and a tattoo needle in order to defend the honour of his douchebag daughter, Tracey. Make no mistake, I firmly believe this game hates EVERYBODY, especially the player.

Torture Scene: This scene IS mandatory in the story mode and can't be skipped. About the only good thing I can say about it is that you have the choice of items to torture with so you can at least attempt to pick the least damaging approach and repeat it until the scene is over. I seriously have to ask what was the point of it though? To parody real life events? Uh yeah, I play video games to ESCAPE real life, thanks. To make us feel bad and uncomfortable? This is a videoGAME, I don't want to feel bad and uncomfortable, I want to have FUN. Remember FUN, Rockstar?

Animal Cruelty: Again, this is a matter of player's choice but the animals in this game are all ink and paint, ones and zeroes and I really can't see this game encouraging people to go out into the desert and shoot up the local wildlife unless they live in an environment where that type of activity was already commonplace well before this game was released. I just feel any group that protests animal cruelty is better served focusing on ACTUAL animal cruelty than worrying about players running over virtual coyotes.

Unlikable Protagonists: It's hard for me to enjoy a game when you're not rooting for any of the protagonists and this game has THREE of them. Franklin Clinton was the least offensive character for me but at the same time, he's a soldier who basically shrugs off all the madness around him and doesn't really have much in the way of motivation or goals, just basically going where the plot tells him to go. He's a little bland and his character arc doesn't really go anywhere. He's like a more laid back C.J. Johnson from 'San Andreas' but with less backstory.

But at least Franklin isn't a hypocrite like Michael De Santa, who tries to come off as an older Tommy Vercetti but is far too much of a pussy for that. Michael is a retired bank robber who hates his life and is seeing a shrink, and ends up getting back into the criminal game through a misunderstanding with a local crime lord.

Oh, but now he has a family to worry about, although why the hell he would bother is a complete mystery to me as Michael’s family are completely and utterly unlikable and every mission involving them just made me want to kill the everlasting fuck out of them. Just because they're a parody of the spoiled rich dysfunctional family doesn't make having to spend time in their presence any less excruciating. Why the hell would I ever want to help and especially save any of these idiots? Oh right, because the game says I have to and refuses to continue until I do. Fuck you, Rockstar.

And of course, despite murdering hundreds of people during the course of the game, you are never given the choice to simply leave or kill your annoying family without immediately ending the game because THAT WOULD BE WRONG. 9_9

Our third protagonist is Trevor Philips who's a straight up psychopath... no wait, he's a killer with a heart of gold... no no, he's a sadist who loves to torture... oh nope, wait, he's just a tortured soul with a soft spot for the tormented... hold on, he just massacred a group of people for insulting his Canadian heritage... yeah. Trevor's character is all over the place, every time he starts to lean towards likable, he does something that makes me want to play as Franklin again just to get away from him.

And while I admit Trevor is probably the most willing and able to engage in the type of mayhem and murder that's supposed to make these games fun to play in the first place, his personality was just too off-putting most of the time and he's still a slave to the albatross that is this game's story which has him kowtowing to people that you actually WANT him to straight up murder the moment they looked at him funny but he won't. Oh, and he's also a pilot, which means you get to fly planes and helicopters with him, and guess what? The flying controls are every bit as clunky and nausea-inducing as the last few GTA games! Yay!

Fortunately, and in fairness, there were a few improvements to gameplay. The cars are not quite as shit to drive as the previous game. You can now play the stock market and actually drive down prices by attacking certain company vehicles, enabling you to clean up with their rival's stocks, which is a cool idea. There are also now mid-mission checkpoints, which was much appreciated and LONG overdue. The bank heist missions were probably the high point of the game for me, but there were too few of them and to be honest, they kinda made me want to play 'Sly Cooper 2: Band of Thieves' instead. ;P

And finally, we come to the main reason this and the last few Rockstar games have thoroughly pissed me off. Overall, it just plain wasn't fun for me to play. I find myself comparing GTA to the 'Saints Row' series, considered to be nothing more than another GTA clone with its first game, actually managed to surpass GTA IV with 'Saints Row 2', IMHO, and the series hasn't looked back since. Not in terms of game sales, unfortunately, but 'Saints Row fucking understands how to make a fun game that you'll want to go back and explore for hours on end, with a story mode that celebrates chaos and respects the player while never taking itself too seriously.

'Grand Theft Auto V' was the complete opposite experience for me and gives off the impression of being free-spirited while being almost completely inflexible with its story and what you can actually do in the game. It wants to be taken seriously at the expense of its gameplay and DEMANDS that you follow its story and embrace its characters and if you don't like them, tough shit cause you're stuck with them.

Now I won't deny being able to design your own protagonist was a big plus in regards to the 'Saints Row' series but I honestly didn't mind playing as an established character like Eizo from 'Assassin's Creed II' because he was a likable protagonist with interesting characters and a story that kept me intrigued throughout. But when I find that the story, characters and protagonists are all shit to me, then what the hell reason do I have to play this game?

And don't let the multiple endings fool you either. IMHO, there is NO freedom of choice or direction in 'Grand Theft Auto V'. The game tells you how you should be reacting to its characters and basically tells you to go to hell if you feel any differently. Case in point: When I reached the end of the game, I killed Michael as Franklin because during the course of the game, I came to despise everything about Michael, his family and I wanted revenge for Lazlow and the character he was before this game ruined him.

All of a sudden, Franklin is guilt-ridden about killing Michael, even as he's chasing him down with a gun. Then afterwards, his family is tearfully calling me and trying to make me feel bad about the murder and Trevor's character flip flops YET AGAIN and refuses to speak to me anymore out of spite.

The game utterly refused to consider the possibility that I felt completely justified in killing Michael and endlessly berated me for doing it, despite Franklin not really ever showing any signs of having a close relationship with Michael in the first place. Hey game? How about letting ME decide how I feel about killing Michael instead of lecturing me like I'm eight years old!? -_-;

That's when I realized I'd had enough. I didn't want to free play. I didn't want to see the other two endings. I didn't want to finish up any last side missions. I uninstalled the game and sold it as quickly as possible on Kajiji. Good fucking riddance.

If you haven't bought 'Grand Theft Auto V' yet for whatever reason, I highly recommend you just get something else. Like 'Saints Row IV', which may not have sold as many copies but was unquestionably the more fun experience for me. But that's just my opinion and I force it on no one.

Unlike 'Grand Theft Auto V'.

Hitman: Absolution Review (XBOX 360 Version)

You know, I was originally going to come up with a joke title for this review, like 'Batman: Absolution' or 'Hitmans Creed', but then I remembered that those games were actually good and fun to play... this game, not so much. And if I sound more bitter than usual for this review, that's because I am.

Warning: Mild Spoilers follow:

The Hitman series, at least for me, didn't get really good until the fourth installment 'Hitman: Blood Money' which I consider to be a masterpiece of stealth gaming and a title that I'm proud to have in my collection and replay at least once a year. It's always a drag when I realize a sequel is inferior in just about every way except graphics, naturally.

'Hitman: Absolution' is yet another example of a beloved series being dumbed down in order to reach a wider audience and losing focus on what made the series great to begin with. And this time not only does the gameplay suffer, but the story and the main character, Agent 47 as well. Wonderful.

Let's start with gameplay. In past Hitman games, going in guns blazing usually got you killed pretty quickly or at least raised your notoriety to such a high level that it made the game needlessly difficult, though granted, it was fun to blow off steam sometimes for tough levels that you could try again later when you got it out of your system or just wanted to see how hard the game could get by ending every mission in a bloodbath.

In 'Absolution', gunning down everyone in sight is not only considered a practical option, there's now a point-shooting mechanic where you can mark several targets at once and then sit back and watch 47 murder all of them in cool slo-mo. Except Hitman isn't supposed to be a John Woo film. Or Rambo for that matter. Not to say you don't have the option of being meticulous and stealthy with your kills but with the new shooting mechanics and lack of long-term consequences, it just seems like the game fully expected and in some spots, encouraged the player to lose patience with it and start blasting.

Also, this game has Eagle... sorry, I mean INSTINCT vision which slows down time and lights up your target like a roman candle and makes them easier to spot in a crowd. Now I can understand how some people would prefer this to looking for your target on an interactive map and that the map isn't as necessary because the areas in this game are smaller, but it just felt out of place for me, like Agent 47 had suddenly developed superpowers and yes, I know being able to spot a moving target as a red dot on a map isn't exactly realistic either. Maybe this is just a nitpicky moment for me, but I really didn't care for this kind of mechanic in a Hitman game at all.

Another thing that REALLY annoyed me was respawning enemies. When people died in previous Hitman games, they stayed dead unless you restarted the mission. This one, they come back if you die midway through the mission for NO GOOD REASON and FUCK YOU to whoever came up with that idiotic design decision. As for the multiplayer, I didn't try it so I can't comment on that aspect of the game.

Unlike previous games, 'Absolution' doesn't assign specific missions by your handler, Diana, whom I can't really discuss without going into heavy spoilers, and the entire game has you trying to protect and later rescue a mysterious teenage girl whom two baddies want to exploit to serve their own ends. More on them later.

There's also no newspapers detailing your exploits or raising your notoriety, no weapons or tools to buy, no pre-mission briefings or optional missions to take for personal gain, just you and whatever you can find in the location you're at, which would've been interesting to do for maybe one mission or two, but was it really necessary for the ENTIRE GAME?

Also, the levels in this game are much smaller, each one feeling like you're in a single large room instead of exploring a entire area. Maybe this was necessary in order to maintain the level of graphic quality with a smooth frame rate but it felt more like a big step backwards to me.

Speaking of a step backwards, let's talk about disguises. The effectiveness of disguises in early Hitman games could be twitchy and even if you did nothing wrong, you could be found out. In 'Blood Money' they improved this mechanic by having suspicious people walk up to you and either politely ask or loudly demand for you to explain your presence in a restricted area. If you failed to respond after a few moments, THEN they would pull out their guns, which was a big improvement over them IMMEDIATELY pulling their guns to blow you away if you so much as sniffed your nose the wrong way.

Well, apparently the developers of 'Absolution' decided that people should see through your disguises quicker despite what you do, forcing you to either constantly change clothes during the mission or kill the person currently annoying you. The fact that the game now allows you to stuff two bodies in a bin, instead of one as in previous Hitman games suggests to me they expected you to choose the latter option. ^_^;

Now I'll try my best to summarize the story for this game: YEE-HAW! Well, that was easy. Seriously though, it's like the developers of the previous game were replaced with good old boys and they looked at the Mississippi missions from 'Blood Money' and said "Hot Damn! We should make the whole game like that!" Maybe they should have called this game 'Hitman: Deliverance'. ^_^;

The game's... secondary villain? Primary villain? I dunno, there were a few of them and not one of them seemed all that more important than the others... is some stereotypical redneck that we're supposed to believe heads a R&D facility when the character isn't qualified to run a pie eating contest. The other villain is a typical bland American bad guy who also seems woefully unqualified as the new head of the ICA. Also notable is that both of these baddies have hot female assistants that are clearly more intelligent than either of them but they add virtually nothing to the story.

Speaking of adding nothing, let's talk about the Saints for a moment. And I don't mean the Saints of 'Saints Row' although Johnny Gat Vs. Agent 47 would be an interesting fight. I personally had no problems with the sexy killer nuns trailer that got so many people upset, because I figured those characters and their bizarre choice of costume would be explained in greater detail in the game.

Well, unless their role was drastically reduced because of all the negative publicity, the Saints had practically no presence or impact in the game at all. They were just another hit squad that appears in one level that were ridiculously easy to pick off one by one. No backstory, no explanation why they dressed like fetish nuns, NOTHING. And I don't care if the novels (which I haven't read) or the Hitman Wiki explains them in more detail, the game gave us nothing to go on and the whole exercise was in my mind completely pointless unless it was simply to generate controversy to sell the game, in which case, mission fucking accomplished but IMHO, the execution (no pun intended) stunk.

Now I'd like to discuss the main character, Agent 47 for a moment. For those new to the series, his basic backstory is that he is a clone that was trained as an assassin. He killed his creator and briefly attempted to live a normal life but found it to be impossible. He accepted this truth and what he was and became the perfect Hitman. And while he is not completely without emotion or empathy, he never lets it interfere with his job. He is also NOT a fool who takes on situations beyond his abilities to handle or acts like an idiot unless the player decides to play him that way during a mission.

In 'Absolution', Agent 47 commits several acts out of the player's control which can only be described as FUCKING STUPID. Chief among them, he gives up his famous silenced baller pistols to an informant in exchange for information, which he would NEVER do in a million years. Did the game have so little confidence in its enemy AI that it felt the need to make Agent 47 as vulnerable as possible? Or maybe they did it so they would have a weak excuse to explain away a later scene where the Redneck's main henchman, who's basically Bane from 'Batman' without the mask, knocks Agent 47 out when he attempts to GAROTTE him. REALLY?

I'm sorry, but I simply can't summon the suspension of disbelief necessary to buy that the world's greatest hitman is so stupid that he thinks he can strangle to death a man several times his own size when a bullet would do the job far more safely and efficiently. But no, the game needed to have Agent 47 unconscious and vulnerable and this was the only way the developers could think of to do it. ^_^;

Let's see, what else did I miss... Yeah, the graphics look nice, I guess. But the scope of the game felt reduced with the smaller rooms so it didn't really impress me. The music was crap, but then that's no surprise since Jesper Kyd wasn't involved in scoring this game and personally, I'm kinda glad he wasn't involved with this shit. Oh yeah, there was also a sequence late in the game where a big deal is made of Agent 47 getting his famous trademark silk suit back... which he then promptly leaves behind getting into disguise to infiltrate a building. Unless, of course, you go in guns blazing. 9_9

So yeah, I pretty much despised this game. I only played through it once and I have honestly no desire whatsoever to do so again. If you've never played a Hitman game before, I strongly urge you to pick up 'Hitman: Blood Money' for the 360 or PC instead as it is SO much better, IMHO.

#2LR - Highlander, with Rifftrax

Diving right in, as there's not been too much content lately...

Tonight's #2LR review is the '86 cult favorite Highlander, featuring Conor "Le Frenchy" MacLeod and The Kurgan, not to mention Sean Connery as the world's most macholy fey Spaniard.

Spoiler(?) space below:

The movie opens with pro wrestling... I was really curious why the playacting fighting, especially since the first fight between "Frenchy" MacLeod and the odd German/Wall Street suited-type dude was just as playacting.  At one point during the fight, it broke into the floor exercise, with multiple handflips backward by the German dude, who at this point I was mistaking as a member of the East German women's gymnastic team.

Throughout this scene... really, throughout the whole movie, we get treated to an extended flashback of "Frenchy" MacLeod's childhood in Scotcherfrance.  It seems that he was intentionally wading into a battle with another clan, and this is where we first meet The Kurgan, who oddly already knows that MacLeod is a (or will be an) immortal.  Yes, Kurgan's first name is "The".  Anyway, The Kurgan manages to run Frenchy through, but before The Kurgan can remove Frenchy's head, Clan MacLeod comes to his defense and drives off The Kurgan.  (HOW??)

Back in the present, the cops find out about the deheadening, and we end up treated to The Last Grizzled Cop <tm> and the Forensics chick.  Forensics girl finds the German's sword left behind, and marvels that it would be worth "one meeel-yon dollars" (oh, wrong movie).  She happens to be a published expert on the subject of medieval weapons.  Meanwhile, our buddy Frenchy gets caught doing eighty-eight miles an hour out of the parking garage, looking like the guiltiest New Yorker ever.  He doesn't get charged (?!), and leaves the station.

Later, after a bar pickup gone back, MacLeod runs across The Kurgan again, but Forensics gets a front-row seat to the battle.  The battle ends up being a screwjob, with a police helicopter serving as the plot fodder.  Both retreat, but The Kurgan ends up blabbing more of MacLeod's past.

Afterward, MacLeod finds another Immortal, who for some reason isn't fighting him (or vice-versa).  The other Immortal ends up running across The Kurgan, who beheads him without too much muss or fuss, and the police end up learning that MacLeod is at least not the only one removing heads around New York.

The action goes away for a while to try to set up MacLeod's tragic backstory, to give Sean Connery some screentime in a desperate bid for legitimacy, and to try its awfully hardest to make Forensics Chick into the female lead.  Needless to say, all fail miserably, especially Point #3.

Back in the present, The Kurgan runs across MacLeod lighting candles to his old sweetie in a church.  Immortals are forbidden from fighting in the church (why?  Because THE KURGAN says so, dangit.), so The Kurgan resorts to verbal taunting.  Not only of MacLeod but of the whole church, almost saving what little of the film he could.  After uttering his famous line ("I have something to say.  It's better to burn out than to fade away!"), the movie is allowed to plod to its conclusion.

The Kurgan takes Forensics Chick in order to trap MacLeod, and it works.  After another tepid sword battle where the combatants may not Glow but their weapons do, MacLeod manages to separate The Kurgan's head... bummer.  Frenchy's prize(s)?  Forensics chick and the ability to die, along with "being one with all living things".  You can tell that this was back in the day, long before movies were written purely to set up sequels, and the ending just didn't matter.

Spoiler space over

This movie was... well, it is a choice piece of 80s nostalgia, at least.  The fight sequences aren't exactly Hong Kong action, especially with the sword-waving.  It certainly has its unintentional comedy though, which seemed to have saved the movie.  The Kurgan was far more fascinating than I would have thought based on his first appearance... the skull armor, in 15th century Scotcherfrance?  The church scene was absolutely STOLEN by The Kurgan, for the better.  I miss him already, and many other movies could use a character like The Kurgan as an antagonist for extra enjoyment.

Sadly, The Kurgan couldn't save this.  I know that this is a cult favorite, and I am certainly NOT one to speak down to cult favorites (*cough* MST3k, Firefly, Star Trek, etc.) but I did see my answer when I went to the Wikipedia page.  This sentence was waiting:

"Gregory Widen wrote the script to Highlander, which he then titled Shadow Clan, as a class assignment while he was an undergraduate in the screenwriting program at UCLA."

I have two words for that.  "It shows".  The back-and-forth flashbacks were odd, the casting was FAR odder, and while the movie could have had some interesting implications if they really carried through "The Prize" successfully, it was a complete cop-out to receive great power limited by mortality.  NOT an astounding prize, and while they did put together sequels, I'm certainly not watching them.

My apologies if I'm missing anything in this movie, but it heartily deserves its 1.3 .  The Kurgan, you get 1.2 of those points, and the other tenth is for Sean Connery's "Spanish" outfit, a visual feast of red velvet and regret.

The Rifftrax, however, gets the film a solid 2.8.  Mike, Kevin, and Bill did as best they could, and this is one of those movies that at least tried their darndest to build the mythos and plot.  It's just too bad that the script was so hobbled, much less "Frenchy" MacLeod and Forensics Chick, both woefully miscast.  The Rifftrax comes highly recommended for those people who love Highlander, who enjoy laughing at the 80s, or who don't mind sitting through long portions of a movie (aka "the swordfights") without much to recommend itself.

Forthcoming, the promised essays on spoof movies.

Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded (Steam Version)

  Ah, Larry. I've been playing this series since 1987 when the original LSL came out for the Amiga and I had to go to my dad to ask him for the answers to the trivia questions because I didn't know about the cheat to skip them and I was too young to be playing the games at that time anyway. ;P

  The Larry series in general has had its high and low points but even when the license seemed dead and buried for good after the complete abomination that was 'Box Office Bust', the fans wouldn't give up on the series and now thanks to Kickstarter, Leisure Suit Larry has been born anew... sort of.

  Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded is a fan game. It was developed and brought to life by ex-Sierra employees including the original creator himself, Al Lowe and funded by loyal fans. Because of this, any professional criticism almost doesn't matter at this point because it's a labor of love and the people that supported it could care less what websites like GameSpot have to say about it.

  This isn't the first time the original Leisure Suit Larry has been remade. In 1991, it got a VGA remake with a full soundtrack. And it was alright, the background art was a bit too garish and cartoony for my personal tastes but I enjoyed the new soundtrack quite a bit. Still, it was pretty much the exact same game with a fresh coat of paint.

  Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded takes this a step or two further and gives us many new features to enjoy. For starters, it now has full voice support and narration. The voices are all well done, Jan Rabson is back as the voice of Larry and does his usual excellent job. The narrator is not Neil Ross from LSL 6 and 7, but Brad Venable and he did alright too. Though, nothing personal to Brad, but I much prefer to read my game descriptions rather than have them read out to me... unless it's Gary Owens. ;P

  Also, it's nice that not EVERY woman on the planet who isn't one of the main cast, instantly snubs or insults Larry. In past Larry games, you really got the impression sometimes that 90% of the world either refused to acknowledge Larry's presence at all or flat out despised him. Yes, I know he's supposed to be a hapless loser, but the hate and cruelty directed at him was pretty damn harsh at times and to have a few women who actually laugh *with* Larry and even find him cute was a pleasant surprise and I truly hope this trend continues in future Larry games as not every man is an asshole and not every woman is a bitch.

 Much like LSL 6 and 7, you can interact with and look at most things on each screen and there's a joke for every one of them, some better than others. On several screens outside, fans who donated a good portion of money have been given their own star on the 'Wall of Shame' which then Larry comments on and makes fun of. Normally I'd find this kind of stuff very distracting from the game, but interacting with the stars is entirely optional so I don't have a problem with it.

  The graphics for Reloaded have been given the HD treatment and they look absolutely gorgeous and much more appealing overall than the 1991 VGA remake. There are new animations as well, and while the background ones are very well done, it must be said that some of the character ones were more than a little underwhelming for me and in a few places where it seemed an animation was called for, nothing happened. I don't know if this was a matter of budget, time or technical issues, but it was noticeable. And since I know it's going to be an issue for some, yes, there IS nudity in the game. It's hidden and not excessive, but it's there. ;P

 The music has also been redone from the ground up but this is where I was a bit disappointed. Sierra games, and Larry games in particular, could almost always be counted on for providing a great soundtrack, and I own a Roland sound card so I'm able to get the most out of them. Reloaded uses real instruments for a soundtrack that is certainly decent and not bad at all, but... not really memorable either. It's almost... I dunno, TOO understated. It does the job, I guess, but the soundtrack just didn't stick in my mind and grab my attention like past Larry games.

  Some of the puzzles have been changed around to make a bit more logical sense and provide a bit more challenge for veterans of the game as well as eliminate the dead ends, thank god. Likewise, a new woman for Larry to pursue has been added and while she fits into the game well enough, she feels all too brief at the same time. Not to say I didn't enjoy and appreciate the extra content but I would've liked to have seen even more encounters like this and expanded upon a bit but I can understand to a point how they didn't want to deviate too much from the original Larry.

  Actually, that may be one of the game's biggest problems. While I completely understand wanting to pay homage and proper respect to the original game, there are a few things that really should've been changed and/or updated. One of these is the Casino games. Much like the original LSL, gambling is not optional and you will need to save/restore a whole bunch of times to have enough money for the game. If you haven't played LSL before or in a long time, I highly recommend avoiding breaking the bank until AFTER your encounter with Fawn, because otherwise it's a big waste of your time.

  What makes it worse is that there's no (as of this review) maximum bet button, which means you need to manually up your bet each time you win in order to build up enough. (You'll need at least several hundred.) This is tedious, boring and really should've been changed to something more entertaining and a lot less frustrating.

  The changing channels sequence was another tedious exercise that should've been updated in some way, as you had to do it ten times with the same description of said action spoken EVERY time. One reason it may have been so tedious is because, to be honest, the new television show gags weren't nearly as amusing to me as the ones in the original games. Not even close. Really, the objects in the room itself were funnier to interact with.

  Finally, the Taxi mechanic was a bit annoying as well. The original game required some backtracking and Reloaded is no exception. Again, I know the original game was like that but I think the whole process could have been made a little less stale and lame sign gags weren't the way to go.

  While some areas of the game have been expanded and new rooms added, there are a couple of moments that just feel unfinished, like Lefty's bathroom, and the timing of a few of the jokes seem to be completely rushed and off. Case in point: In the original Larry game and 1991 remake, you can make Larry take a crap in the bathroom. As Larry reads the paper, there's a pause and the message 'You feel a great relief!' comes up. Another pause and the sound of a fart is heard and the message 'What's that aroma?' comes up.

 In Reloaded, Larry sits down on the toilet with his paper and the two messages come up instantly one after the other with NO pausing and NO fart sound effect, completely ruining the timing of the jokes and being less funny as a result. I'm not going to say this sort of thing is a deal breaker but it's still irritating all the same and should have been tested more closely.

  But what about the humor you may be asking at this point? Well, it's Al Lowe and Josh Mandel so if you're a fan of their humor and descriptions from past Sierra games, you'll be in heaven. While there were a few puns that made me wince, I can't deny that I'm a sucker for the majority of them and I'm also the type of person who really enjoys clicking everything on everything just to see what they're going to say next.

  I also wanted to mention something about the story, and I admit this is entirely selfish nitpicking on my part, but I was really hoping for a brief prologue to the game taken from the old game manual showing Larry as the computer software nerd who got kicked out of his house by his mother and thus transformed into Leisure Suit Larry. I think they mention Larry selling software once or twice during the game but otherwise no backstory is given to Larry at all, which is a shame because it would've been nice to see it finally animated. Also, the ending of the game was far too abrupt, and yes, I know, the original game was abrupt too, but... in an age of endless cutscenes, you really couldn't give Larry and his lover one extra minute to enjoy themselves? Really?

 So my overall feelings on the game? I enjoyed it. There was room for improvement to be sure, and I have my few personal nitpicks but overall, I did enjoy replaying the game as a longtime fan of the Leisure Suit Larry series and the old Sierra games. I would look forward to a sequel as long as improvements continue to be made and lessons are learned from Reloaded.

  The original Leisure Suit Larry 2, IMHO, had a few bright spots and a LOT of problems so I personally think the makers of Reloaded would be best served starting fresh with that game, maybe keeping the few things that did work, and most importantly, not handcuff themselves by sticking too close to a game design that while a classic, is now showing its age in many aspects.

#2LR Kicking it Retro - with Lupin III, The Castle of Cagliostro

This is going to be one of the most characteristic of the #2LR Too Late Review posts.  The Castle of Cagliostro was Hayao Miyazaki's first directorial job.  It was released almost thirty-five years ago, and features a character that has been featured in multiple movies and television shows.

The character, Lupin III, is a cat burglar on the screen, sort of an anti-James Bond.  It's also a character that is a thief in its own right, using the name of Arsene Lupin, a copyrighted character from a French series of novels.  As a result, the character is known in Japan where the copyright laws weren't tightened (at the time), but is pretty much not known at all in the U.S.

On top of that, if you were to want to purchase this movie, you're looking at either a bootleg (poetic justice!) or somewhere between $40 and $60 dollars.  So, to sum up... really old movie, barely-known character, AND difficult to find and watch.

That's just what Too Late Reviews was built for.  Spoiler Space begins here.

Lupin III has just completed a heist in Monaco with his partner in crime, Jigen.  As he's driving off, he realizes that the money is purely counterfeit, albeit extremely good counterfeit.  Lupin and Jigen drive through the European countryside until they happen across a girl driving a 2CV trying to escape a car full of thugs.  After attempting to help (yet failing), Lupin and Jigen decide to follow after the girl, entering the tiny European nation of Cagliostro.

Lupin gets the backstory of who the girl is (a princess) and why she was wearing a wedding dress (she's to be married to the count) as well as the country's story (their rulers perished in a palace fire seven years ago). He also realizes that this is the place that the counterfeit money is coming from, having tried to breach the walls of the "new palace" ten years ago and failing.  The evil Count wants to marry the Princess in order to consolidate his power.  The count also is searching for a treasure that is rumored to be connected to a pair of rings, one each held by the Count and by the Princess.  The Count is not happy that Lupin is in town, so he sends a bunch of minions after Lupin and Jigen.  Both crooks manage to escape the assault and take up temporary quarters in the ravaged abandoned palace.  In the meantime, Lupin calls for another partner in crime, the Japanese samurai Goemon, and also his nemesis, Inspector Zenigata of Tokyo Police / Interpol.

Lupin manages to infiltrate the new palace through the water system as Zenigata makes a ruckus trying to enlist the Count's aid in capturing Lupin.  Lupin then uses an unwitting Zenigata as a ruse to enter the palace.  Afterward, Lupin finds the princess (Clarissse), but is flushed down a rather long trapdoor, failing to die at the bottom but finding a captured Zenigata.  The count sends assassins in to kill off Lupin and Zenigata, but both manage to get the drop on the assassins and use them to escape their imprisonment.

Lupin and Zenigata conclude a truce and find the counterfeiting machinery in the basement of the castle, just past their spot of imprisonment.  All of the world's currencies are printed from this tiny country, counterfeit, which Zenigata considers a far greater issue than capturing Lupin.  As both men escape, they capture an autogyro to try to free Clarisse, but the Count's men manage to catch them just in the nick of time; Lupin, Zenigata, and Lupin's sometimes associate Fujiko Mine all escape, but Clarisse is left behind.

Lupin is rescued by Goemon and Jigen, and goes into the final backstory, telling about his history of trying to storm the castle when he had more enthusiam than sense.  The three of them manage to hatch a plan to get back inside the Count's castle.  In the meantime, Zenigata brings the counterfeiting to the attention of the United Nations, but all of the nations agree to sweep the issue under the rug because... huh, that was a weird reason, but because all of them are up to their eyeballs in counterfeiting and for some reason exposing what Cagliosto is up to would implicate them, and also because "Cagliosto did not request Interpol assistance".  Zenigata gets mad, but decides with Fujiko's help that he needs to get back into that castle.

On the day of the wedding, the road is full of people trying to get to the palace.  The old priest is held up by the traffic... Fujiko, in disguise as a news reporter, is also stuck, along with Zenigata's Interpol brigade.  The wedding starts, and gets to the cliched part asking for objections.  It goes by, but as the priest is saying the last words, the huge cross in the back bursts forth with voice saying that the wedding is an abomination.  The cross falls forward as the priest dodges out of the way, and Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon burst from the hole left in the floor.  A battle starts up, and the Count cuts off Lupin's head... but it's a fake Lupin, the real one was posing as the priest the whole time.  In the ensuing battle, Zenigata manages to get to the hole in the floor, and as Fujiko documents with a handheld camera, Zenigata "just happens to stumble" across the counterfeiting ring in the basement, on live television, forcing the world governments to have to act.

The last thirty minutes (!) is a long chase and fight sequence, featuring quite a bit of action including the workings of a clock.  Lupin gives the Count one last opportunity to redeem himself, by offering the rings and the ability to obtain the "treasure" in return for Clarisse, who the Count had cornered.  The Count responds by shooting Lupin halfway down the side of a clock tower and taking Clarisse anyway.  Clarisse manages to get away by jumping off the side as Lupin does the same to save her.  The Count comes to his untimely end by following the instructions to gain the treasure... and as the treasure is revealed, Lupin tells Clarisse that he loves her, wanted to come to her aid, but that she can't come with him (awww.)  Zenigata continues to chase Lupin but stops to speak with Clarisse one last time.  As Clarisse explains that Lupin didn't steal a single thing, Zenigata remarks that Lupin made off with Clarisse's heart (awww..)  In the final scene of the movie, the chase begins anew down the French Riviera.

Spoiler Space over.

This remains a popular movie even this long after it has been released, and it is easy to see why.  The character of Lupin III can be corny at times, but this is a character that loves what he's doing, loves being who he is and is comfortable doing what he does.  There's witty banter amongst the friends, retorts between the Count and Lupin, but the heart of the movie is clear here... there's quite a few characters that sacrifice for each other, even when they don't need to, and none of them really gain anything from their sacrifice other than knowing that what they're doing is right.

There's also pretty much zero fanservice in this movie.  If there's one major thing that differentiates this anime series from James Bond, it's that there's no Bond girl.  That's not to say that Fujiko gets decked out in the *series*, but this movie is as tame as it gets for fanservice.

Also, you can see the influence of the 80s throughout this movie.  It seems that every time the movie's dialogue goes quiet, the soundtrack pops up to remind you that it's still there.  The music is definitely stuck in its time, but there are moments on the soundtrack where the music is really genuinely good.  The animation is very decidedly two-dimensional, and there are times that you don't have to squint hard to see the imperfections shine through... Zenigata's eyes, for instance, don't always both point forward at the same time.

Overall, this is a good movie with a fun and fast-paced story, and the set pieces (each of Lupin's assaults on the castle) are terrific and paced well.  You would be hard-pressed to make a real-life movie from this... there's just a couple of just-this-side-of-implausible tricks in Lupin's bag, such as his belt-buckle fishing line rope or swimming against a falling curtain of water, but that's one of the things that I truly like about anime... you can push the boundaries just a little bit, and as long as the universe doesn't bend one way specifically, you're able to keep your disbelief firmly locked away.

So, this is a movie that I would gladly give a 3.4 to based on the first viewing.  I managed to snag a copy through Netflix though, and unless you want to pay the aforementioned $40-$60 price tag, you may have to do the same.  I do know though that if they manage to arrange for another release, I will very likely be there.