#2LR Too Late Reviews -- Europa Universalis IV (EU 4)

Weirdly enough, strictly speaking this is not one of my too-late reviews... the thoughts that I have below are directly related to changes that Europa Universalis IV has undergone since I've purchased the game in March of 2015.  I bought EU4 during one of the discounted Steam sales.  I had heard that it was more complex and interesting than Civilization V, which is definitely one of my favorite strategy games of all time.  The reviews weren't kidding, EU4 was complex and it has a learning curve associated with it.  This learning curve was not helped by the fact that I had an extremely hard time finding any sort of instructions for the game... I played it for about two months until I realized that I could do diplomatic annexations of vassals, for instance.

I was finally getting the hang of the game though, until I ran into the dreaded update cycle.  The developers pushed out an update to the gameplay of EU4 (titled "Common Sense").  When I read about the update it seemed like it would bring a lot of interesting things to the game.  But when I opened the game and started to play it, I was even more confused over what was happening in the game, going to the forums to try to figure out how things were happening, even going to Youtube.  And that's when I found out that unless you paid for the "full" DLC upgrade rather than just getting the pushed-out half-updates, you wouldn't get all of the interesting benefits.  And as far as I can tell, waiting out any of the DLC is not worth it... the developers will still charge for the previous DLC even though they've pushed out a new DLC, so there's no benefit to try to hang on through the game's updates when you don't have much money to spend.

I have played EU4 for a bit over 100 hours, while I have played Civ 5 for somewhere close to 1500 hours.  And there are two reasons that I can play Civ 5 for far more time and have started far more Civ 5 games.  The first is that while the Civ 5 folks have put out paid DLC upgrades to the game, they don't alter the gameplay for the people who don't want to pay for the DLC upgrades.  And the second is that I feel that Civ 5 has a lot of replayability compared to EU4, in that Civ 5 has multiple different ways to "win" the game, where you have to manipulate all of EU4's different strategies in service to basically one goal, expansion... for instance, I have won games in Civ 5 with only one city, but I do not believe that it's possible in any way to "win" a game of EU4 with only one province, or to build a military purely to dissuade others from attacking.

The last note might be related to only having played EU4 for a bit over 100 hours and only against the computer on "normal" difficulty.  However, I would have thought that by this time I would have understood the mechanics of the game much better.  I continue to end up with bad beats rolling dice on military expeditions.  There are more than a few times that I have declared war as a stronger country against a weaker country only to find out in the next forty-five minutes that I can't win... and when I restart the game and try to use the knowledge I just gained from the previous forty-five minutes, I'll get defeated in a new and less creative way.  I can tell stories of armies skirting my main force, of getting beat to a province by a day but getting the complete and full crossing penalties in the subsequent fight, of defeating a lesser force to only 5% of their morale only to have a far larger force join in the nick of time to completely upend the battle, of having better generals and equal forces yet losing anyway, and having my allies never consolidate their forces with mine against my foes when my foes consolidated all their forces the whole time.

TL;DR: I had thought that I was right in the wheelhouse of this game's target audience.  I love history, I love geography, and I enjoy the alternate histories that EU4 can spawn.  However, between an inability to learn the game over 100 hours, not being able to pay for each DLC that comes out, and the fact that the game is somewhat broken without the DLCs, it's not worth playing unless you have a LOT of time and the money to keep up with the updates.

This review has been cross-posted to some Steam board or another as a review.

New FAQ posted at GameFAQs:

Yeah, you know all those super-long posts about Civ V?  I organized them as best and possible and posted them as a strategy guide/FAQ to GameFAQs.com.  You can check it out by clicking on the link here.  By all means, if you have any comments or suggestions I'm more than willing to put them in the guide.

Coming in a couple days... a review for the anime Read or Die.

Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag Review (XBOX 360 Version)

(Note: My review of the previous Assassin's Creed games can be found 'here'.)

(Warning: Spoilers Follow)

After the overall disappointment of 'Assassin's Creed III', I was both anticipating and dreading this latest chapter of this series. Anticipating because it looked like the ship battles, which I felt were the best feature of 'Assassin's Creed III', were going to be expanded upon and made the main focus of the gameplay rather than a side mission. Dreading because of how many other things 'Assassin's Creed III' got wrong and I feared would simply be continued with this game as well.

Well, thankfully it looks like Ubisoft listened to the fans for the most part because 'Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag' is a significant improvement. It fixes many of the problems I personally had with Part III and more importantly, it's a great deal more fun to play. It's not without its flaws, to be sure, but I personally enjoyed it and it gives me good feelings and hope for the next part as well.

'Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag' takes place in the Caribbean during the latter era of the golden age of piracy. You play as Edward Kenway, father of future Templar, Haytham Kenway and grandfather of future Assassin, Ratonhnhaké:ton from 'Assassin's Creed III'. Edward is a pirate who claims to be solely motivated by gold but as we learn from flashbacks during the course of the game, he is hell bent on providing a better life for his wife, despite her insistence that she loves him regardless and that she wanted him to get a normal job and live a normal life, something Edward refuses to accept.

Fate leads Edward into the path of a turncoat Assassin, whom he is forced to kill and decides to assume his identity in order to scam his way into more gold. Unfortunately this decision leads to him helping the Templars and causing much harm to the Assassins.

Edward tries to ignore the consequences of his actions by focusing on tracking down the location of a place called 'The Observatory', which he convinces himself will lead to riches beyond imagination, by seeking out a mysterious 'Sage' that knows the location. This single-minded obsession leads to tragedy after tragedy, even as Edward's ship grows strong and his wallet grows fat. Will he be able to change his course before it's too late or will he sail himself and everyone else who follows into hell?

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Miles Desmond and Warren Vidic are dead, (Thank RICHARD for that!), and the protagonist is now... well, you. You are a playtester for a software company called Abstergo Entertainment, testing out the genetic memories of Edward Kenway, which will be turned into a sort of virtual reality pirate game. Gee, how meta. ^_^;

Of course it's all a front for Abstergo and the Templars to discover the location of the Observatory, even though they practically run the entire world as it is, or so the games keep telling us, but I guess they have to weed out the Assassins somehow.

"You", however, are blissfully unaware of any of this, as you cheerfully go about your job, until you're contacted by a mysterious stranger and asked to start hacking into Abstergo's computers. As your security clearance is increased, you'll learn a little more about Abstergo, the origins of Warren Vidic and Subject Zero and Desmond’s thoughts before his death.

It's mildly interesting I guess, but I kinda already knew Warren Vidic was a bastard and Desmond is still dull as dishwater so yeah, don't really care. I did laugh though at the shameless attempts to sully the previous protagonists of 'Assassin's Creed' games by Abstergo, bitter much? ;P

Sadly, Shaun and Rebecca only have small roles in this game, which is a shame because Shaun especially was a highlight of 'Assassin's Creed III' and made the historical material in that game less dry to read with his snarky editorials. The "programmers" bantering back and forth during the descriptions in 'Assassin's Creed IV' came off more meta and occasionally too obnoxious for me. Here's hoping Shaun and Rebecca can come back strong in the next game.

Back to Edward's world for a moment, there were many characters to interact with, several of them from actual history such as Blackbeard, Mary Read, Anne Bonny, Sted Bonnet and Black Bart to name a few. And while the above names made an impression, there were others that I could barely remember later when they reappeared and the story lost me a few times, I remember thinking in those times "Who the hell are you again?" ;P

OK, I admit I'm not as knowledgeable on the history of pirates as I am other eras but some of the characters were difficult for me to distinguish from others and it hurt my immersion into the game at times.

As mentioned before, many of the problems I had with the previous game have been addressed. The Assassination missions now have more of a purpose than simply "Kill Templars Dead!" and require more skill and stealth to kill your targets, as in 'Assassins' Creed II'. There are also Naval Missions which usually involve you destroying certain ships or attacking convoys and stealing their cargo.

The ship mechanic is now a central feature in the game and it is SOOOO much fun! Not only do you get to blast the crap out of a ship, you can now board it and slaughter your enemies into submission and steal their cargo, which you can then either sell for gold or improve your ship. I have to say the first time I grabbed the rope and swung onto the deck of the enemy ship into combat, I had a smile on my face a mile wide. :)

As you face tougher ships, there are more challenges put in your way. You might have to climb up to the crow's nest to destroy the enemy's flag or kill annoying scouts taking pot shots at your crew. Or you have to blow up the powder kegs on the ship, ideally without blowing up your own crew members in the process.

You can get a head start with the smaller cannons on your ship and take a few shots, though it's best to do this BEFORE your crew starts boarding the ship, less you blast them by mistake. The longer you take to subdue the ship, the more of your crew get killed so there's pressure there as well.

But as much fun as I had with boarding the ship, I have to mention a couple of nitpicks. At times it was frustrating to fight on the deck of the ship because there are so many people fighting around you that at times you will have great difficulty focusing on a single opponent and will often lunge towards another person without meaning to.

Honestly, the camera can be your biggest threat during these battles as it tends to zoom in close on the action and either the scenery gets in the way or people attack you from off-screen and you can't defend yourself, giving them a free slash or two. It's not a huge deal but it was annoying, especially when it means you have to start the boarding all over again if you die. The scenery getting in the way can also happen in certain locations of the game and if possible, it's always best to move to an open space and fight there to hopefully avoid that problem.

Also, and this has always been a big issue with the Assassin's Creed series to some degree, it is very easy to leap onto the wrong thing or end up balancing on a railing when you meant to leap somewhere else entirely or jump up on an item when you didn't mean to. This problem mostly rears its ugly head during the ship boarding scenes as there is a LOT of background objects on a pirate ship and it can be frustrating when you want to make a grand entrance into battle, only to be thwarted by a railing or a net or a barrel or a cannon or a crate or a... well, you get the idea. ^_^;

Money now serves more of a purpose in this game as there are plenty of things to buy and upgrading your ship is absolutely necessary if you hope to survive later battles against multiple ships or the Man O' Wars and ESPECIALLY if you hope to have a chance in hell of winning a battle against one of the Legendary ships, which provide a true challenge even if your ship is fully upgraded.

You can also upgrade your base with various shops and places to keep your crew happy, along with your own house, in which you can buy art to display. Personally the art didn't really interest me but I can see how others would appreciate it.

Weapons are also more useful in this game as you actually have a reason to use your pistols this time. I admit I saved my money to buy the best available sword and guns but the option to level up slowly is there as well. You also gain the use of sleep darts which can temporarily put down a pesky sniper long enough to sneak past or assassinate him and berserk darts, which makes your enemy go into a blind rage and attempt to kill any soldier in range. Late into the game, you also get a rope dart which you can hang your enemies with.

Hunting animals now lets you craft items such as extra ammo pouches for your weapons or clothes if you wish. You can also improve your armour and raise your health in the process. The hunting mechanics are pretty much the same as the previous game but at sea, you can also hunt sharks and, yes whales as well. This was a subject of controversy for some people but thankfully the option to hunt whales is entirely OPTIONAL and you can buy, at some expense, any animal hides you require and skip the hunting process completely if you wish, and I personally appreciate the choice being given to me.

There are numerous side quests to undertake in this game. Besides the small chests, you can find treasure maps with coordinates to islands where you then rely on visual clues to find buried treasure with more valuable rewards. There are manuscripts that seem to serve no purpose in the game other than historical curiosity, and are usually under guard for some reason, maybe to make collecting them more exciting? Darned if I know.

Collecting Animus Fragments will provide you with cheat codes and other benefits to multiplayer. There are also glass bottles to collect which gives you more insight into the character of 'The Sage' and helps explain events taking place in the real world as well. There is also a multiplayer aspect called 'Kenway's Fleet' but since I don't do multiplayer, I can't comment on it.

In the previous game, there was a rather pointless side quest chasing sheets of paper across rooftops containing pages of Benjamin Franklin's Almanac that gave no real benefits. In this game, however, the papers are sea shanties and they are far more worth the effort to catch them as you can now sing while sailing your ship across the sea. Not only do the songs add a real touch of authenticity to the pirate feel of the game but chances are, you'll be singing along to several of them yourself as they're pretty darn catchy. ;P

One fun side mission was taking out forts on the map, which act as viewpoints in the sea, letting you spot items and towns otherwise hidden. After you successfully crush their defences with your ship, you storm the fort and can either kill soldiers for the fun of it or just skip ahead to killing the officers and the fort commander to claim victory. This also opens additional Naval missions.

There are Templar hunting missions which lead you to keys that will eventually give you access to the now obligatory ultimate suit of armour, though during my playthrough I couldn't figure out how to trigger the mission to find the fifth key for some reason. Fortunately, it wasn't necessary as there was another side quest involving collecting Mayan stones and this gained me access to a... different ultimate suit of armour. Huh, well, nice to have a choice, I guess. ^_^;

One new and fun side quest are underwater dungeons in the form of sunken ships and caves which you can explore about halfway through the game with a diving bell. What make it more challenging is that you constantly have to worry about your oxygen levels and avoiding the numerous sea creatures that will take off your health piece by piece... and scare the hell out of you if you're not expecting an attack. (Fuck you, eels. FUCK YOU.) But the rewards are well worth the effort as many of them give you plans to vastly improve your ship.

So, my final thoughts are this. While I still consider 'Assassin's Creed II' to be the best game of the series so far, I did have a lot of fun playing this game and unlike Part III, this is a game I'm glad I bought and will definitely be replaying in the future.

There are rumours that the next game could take place in China or Japan, which would be of great interest to me and after watching the movie 'Heroes of the East', which I highly recommend if you've never seen it, to be able to use those kinds of weapons and possibly upgrade the fighting engine to include martial art techniques would be all sorts of awesome. Here's hoping. :)

Civilization V walkthrough -- part 2 of 3?

FAQ/Walkthrough for Civilization V - Brave New World

Part 2/3?

Still unknown if this will be a three-part series; below are still more early-game points that I realized I forgot on the first post.  More playthroughs means more opportunities to figure out what works and what doesn't.  Here's a few more things to keep in mind, in what is still one of the most interesting puzzle games masquerading as a world building game that I've ever played.

In an effort to try to organize my thoughts a bit better for you, I've kept the top-level points and tried to put a subtitle around some of what I cover, so that you might be able to find the information more easily.  Feel free to send some feedback to tell me if this helps more or is more confusing.

1. Defending early on via military:

Keeping up with everyone is absolutely important in this game.  At the higher levels, the computer needs less food to grow a point, less production to complete units or wonders, and less science to gain a technology.  This means you need to find replacements, and fast.

How much military do you need?:

The military part is pretty easy to take care of, considering what happens in Civ V (compared to all previous Civ games).  Each city becomes its own archer, and can hold out for a few turns depending on the number of units and the technology of the units coming after the city.  The best defenders for a city happen to be ranged -- ranged defenders do not take damage when they attack, and they can be stashed behind a city yet shoot two squares forward, making them devilishly hard to get to without deploying mounted troops.  Two archers (plus perhaps a warrior to deal with the up-close issues) are enough to snuff out 85% of threats to the cities of your kingdom.

Shooting at the correct targets when defending a city:

Without a ground troop to occupy it, a city cannot fall.  You can throw as many catapults as you want at it, but it won't go anywhere without a ground troop.  So, you know what your likeliest targets are!  The ground troops will come first anyway, and if the computer does it in ones or twos, your two archers + city + warrior should do a good job of mopping up most of the ground troop threat even before the catapults or archers set up.  Even if the catapults and archers arrive, keep pounding those ground troops.  Three archers plus the city is ideal, as three archers + one city will down a warrior in one turn, and depending on the bonuses can even get a spearman down too.  Two is minimum.

Sniffing out external threats:

As I discuss below, roads are not for the early-game anymore, which means you may have to keep troops close to a city.  This means more advanced sniffing is necessary to figure out where the threat may come from.  There's ways to figure it out though, and here are a few:

-- A enemy civ capital city with no second city thirty to forty turns in.  A sure sign that military is being built.
-- In the diplomatic screen, hovering over the leader to find out ways that your relationship is affected includes "They covet your lands!"
-- Finding three or more units of theirs on the move, especially if they're moving towards you.
-- A warlike civilization with a very early specialized unit (Huns, Aztecs, for naval battle - Carthage)
-- Check the Demographics and find out who has the largest military.  Increased scrutiny on this civ is a must, if they are known to you.
-- An enemy civ that has swallowed up cities and is currently razing them.  An absolutely sure sign that someone's out to eat up the map and mess everyone else up.
-- Notifications that an enemy civ has had their capital taken.  The game now tells you who took the capital, as well as who controls the most capitals.  They have the military.

Yes, enemy Civs are 95% likely to be coming after you, especially since you likely have the fewest military this early in the game.  It may be "unfair", but did you sign up for a challenge or a squash?  I find that there are times that if I have an interesting start position, I will save it at the beginning of the game just in case I want to run a game again, and there's no stigma in restarting or recovering from autosaved files.

FYI... it is absolutely possible to get bum rushed and killed, too... if you get a mad Hun after you early enough, or a mad Aztec, they can absolutely pump out five or six battering rams, or eight to ten jaguar warriors, and your game is definitely over.  Just restart and try again, knowing full well that if your start was that bad, going again is probably the best option.  In a recent playthrough (and unless I completely misread the damage indicator), I had a Hunnic battering ram hit my city for -167.  There's just nothing one can do about that, especially when you see three more coming at you.  Just remember that if you do put down the Hunnic/Aztec threat, they're not going to have such ridiculously overpowered troops for the rest of the game.

I do note that on my other games, the enemy Civ is more likely to come after you with their own specialized unit.  It's helpful to know or remember what their special units are and to have plenty of troops available that their type is weak against... for instance, make sure to get pikemen or lancers when the Mongols start trotting out their Keshik (cavalry-based archers).  Keeping scouts or other units that can station outside an enemy Civ's land to find out what the troop movements are is pretty helpful in this situation.

The aftermath:

If you do manage to take out the enemy civ's troops, immediately threaten their lands (safely!).  The enemy Civs often (but not always) panic and overreact with troops closer by. If they're currently out of troops you'll get a far better deal.  If they have more than one town, you may even pick up unexpected territory... just make sure that you're in the green happy-wise before puppeting, otherwise weaken them by razing it.  Bonus note... even if the city is undefendable, it will give you gold and science plus perhaps a religious point or two at the cost of happiness.  If you can spare the happiness, take it.  It will also be your new "canary in the coal mine" if it is undefendable, as the enemy Civ will try to get that city back first being such a juicy target.  You will then know if the enemy civ will want to come after your core cities at the cost of increased gold plus a couple happy faces.

If you do go with a large military early, just remember that you can get other people to pay for it too.  How, you may ask?  Through the bullying of city-states.  They'll also hand over workers if you have enough troops on the outside of a town.  You need to have a large military to do this, but it's a decent two-for-one (worker for the price of military) if you're not trying to curry favor.  Heck, you can turn your military into effectively a city-state-supported workforce if you're diligent enough, and by threatening the non-hostile you could get quests where the hostile actually want you to threaten the non-hostile, which will net you money AND a new City-State friend.

2. Gold!

That stuff is HARD to come by early.  There's a ton of things that you need, including a military to beat off any foes, roads to keep your military mobile enough to fight off other foes, a scout to find other civs, and workers to develop your resources.  Not only that, but those pesky buildings cost money too.

Taking care of your gold reserves can be almost like gaining another city's worth of production.  A settler, for instance, is 500 Gold (on Standard length game and King difficulty)... or, it's five or six turns of no city growth.  A courthouse is multiple turns of unhappy faces, or about 600 gold(?, I don't completely recall).  1000 Gold can be worth ten happy faces when it's given to mercantile city-states... or, in one of the most interesting situations, 1000 gold can help keep an enemy civ who's declared war off your back by allying with a city-state and letting the enemy civ either get bogged down, picked off, or at least slowed down from invading your position.  As a last resort, it can be used for walls/units if things get desperate too.  And, most importantly, piles of gold will give you the diplomatic victory that you may be searching for.  Where will it all come from?

Developing second/third copies of luxuries:

On my best games, I've developed redundant luxury items early.  Just starting out, enemy Civs are usually willing to give you top dollar (e.g. 7 gold per turn) for extra luxuries.  Even if the redundant luxury is in the water (yikes!), getting that extra gold that early will allow you to keep the science coming while at the same time staying defended, which is absolutely necessary.  Just remember that the trade-off for selling your luxuries is possibly another new city for the Civ you sell the luxury to, as the +4 it will give them is the number that is typically needed for each new city.  (This can get them in trouble in the long haul if they can't find ways to keep the luxuries flowing in, though.)

Roads and alternatives to building roads for workers:

Roads are for closers. [/Glengarry].  Don't get the roads built until the city you're building to can support the road... if you're already negative and your city is four spaces away, you're looking at between twelve to sixteen losing turns just to break even again.  Yes, that means that you may have to stash troops in the more forward places and cross your fingers, but hopefully you read the early warning signs like a woodsman collects deer tracks.

The alternative to building roads if you have an idling worker and little cash... do all of the below in descending order.

1. Improve every single special tile you can find first.  These things will help your civ grow the fastest.  (Possible exception - jungle bananas, see below)
2. Build farms in your outlying cities to grow them quicker.  (Or, alternatively, set the focus to "food" in the city screen.)
3. Build enough mines/lumber mills to give your city a production boost when it's needed.  Typically, I try to set up at least two more mines or three more lumber mills than I would usually need.  This helps for when you're trying to rush through units, or a Wonder, and don't have the gold to deal with it.
4. Drain marshes -- unless you're the Dutch and can build polders.
5. Take out *unnecessary* forests.
6. Take out *unnecessary* jungles, but only as a last resort -- see below.

Jungle benefits:

With jungles, note that when the University comes available, each one is worth +2 Science.  Keeping a jungle banana square will net you a +4 Food and +2 Science, instead of the possible +5 Food (or +4 food +1 production if on a hill).  Five jungle squares with trading posts and an in-town University will net +10 food, +13 science (+10 through the University skill and +3 due to the University bonus) and +5 gold.  Keeping Jungles is a strategy that I follow, especially since you can't replant if you so choose.

Jungles and forests are also places that you can defend with troops, though it depends on how many ground troops (swords, spears, pikes?) you have available to defend and whether or not those areas can be ranged into.

Caravans:

Caravans can only get you limited amounts of gold early on.  The more you develop your city, the more gold a caravan will be able to net.  Caravans will also provide science, definitely important in the early going too, and as you develop the land around the home city for a caravan, the caravan will net more money.  Having water nearby will add to the bonuses.


3. City building and specialization

Choosing sites, managing expectations, natural wonders:

Your capital should ideally be near two luxuries.  I've had games where a third was in easy reach, but typically there's no way you're going to start with three luxuries encircled by one city.  Typically, city #2 will be next to a luxury, and if you're lucky you might find a spot where you can get two luxuries as well.  Your first city spot has to be close, chosen pretty early and focused upon.

In a good 60% of my games, I've found that my next favored spot for a city just will not be there for two reasons.  Either the other civ(s) got to it first, or the civ that would have gotten there first has eight warriors and five archers to throw at me when I plant my settler.  However, there are also games where I had to go to Spot #3 just because the computer absolutely jumped all over Spot #2 before I could do anything.

The point?  It's rare if you manage to get Spot #2 and Spot #3 both, and if that happens hang on tight.

See, this game isn't exactly a land-grab game anymore.  In Civ IV, as long as you had a forward-looking phalanx, keep hopping those settlers forward, and you can fill in the cities with phalanxes after you grab the territory.  In Civ V, you don't start off with happy people in every city you build... you have to back it up with both workers to gain the luxury and with military to defend it, or your position is lost.

HOWEVER!  There's hope!  Just remember, if the computer stakes out a city in a spot you desperately wanted, it's a GOOD THING.  Let the computer build it, farm it, etc and then you can swoop in with military to take it later.  You want and need ways to maximize your shield count, and even if you spend three warriors out of your force of multiple archers/catapults and melee units, it's still likely less than you would have had to spend with a settler, worker, etc. and it steals the production that the computer worked so hard to set up to begin with.

Most natural wonders are imperative to take and can grow to provide +5 culture in the late-game depending on the World Congress.  Ones that provide happy faces (Mt. Kailash, Fountain of Youth, Old Faithful) are most important.  Natural wonders that provide religious bonuses (Uluru, Mt. Ararat, Mt. Fuji, etc.) are also very important, and can even replace world wonders such as Stonehenge.  The only ones that are not worth the time and effort are the Grand Mesa (+3 gold and +2 shield, which you can get from any developed luxury mine) and the Barringer Crater (+2 Gold / +3 Science, which is easily replacable by any Jungle tile with a trading post in a town with a University -- +2 Food, +1 Gold, +2 Science before Economics).  Only get these as afterthoughts rather than as targets.

City specialization:

So when you have a city, what should you do with it?  High food cities are good for getting the specialist buildings, such as the Writers Guild which takes population points to be most effective.  Cities with plenty of hills do good in building wonders and creating your army.  Cities with lots of special squares, by rivers or by oceans are good spots for caravans to operate from.  Just make sure to improve as many of the squares around the city as possible so that the bonuses for resources are realized.  Cities with lots of jungle make for amazing science cities mid-game, to the point that waiting on a National College becomes a viable strategy... especially since the computer players rarely (if ever) examine your other cities for tech-stealing potential.  If you run a high-knowledge city that's not your capital, that lowers the tech-stealing potential of your capital city and typically the computer players won't figure out that there's a far higher potential city elsewhere, which makes defending technologies easier.  And since the game gives bonuses for stacking tourist improvements/Wonders into one city, it may as well be the one that you've been building Wonders in since you started the game, right?

Additionally, the game's governors help you to keep your specialization going.  If you're trying to grow a city, feel free to leave it at "growth" until it gets to the size you want.  If you're trying to obtain science, then use the governor to reapportion your citizens to find science.  You can certainly micromanage to the point that you're directing individual citizens into individual tasks, but it will make your games take even longer than they did already... and you get a feel for what real historical rulers thought when they were asked what each individual citizen should do instead of taking advice from trusted council.  Specializing cities will keep you afloat technologically through the lean years, when all of the other civs are gaining technologies left-and-right... to be covered in a later topic.

Barbarians:

Last note for city building.  In the beginning of the game there are only three acceptable reasons for killing barbarians.  Either you were asked by a city-state and will get influence, you've opened the Honor track and will receive culture, or it's right next to your town and about to stomp your spice plantation to dust.  Otherwise... leave them alone and let them be someone else's problem.  Letting them roam means that they'll kill enemy civ settlers that the enemy civ got greedy with, or take city-state workers that you can liberate later and receive bonuses for.  They will work as experience fountains, but only for the first two levels... you can get those just with defending your own territory.  In this case, the enemy of your enemy (your enemy being the other computer Civs) is your friend, and if the other Civs want to build cities, don't clear the way for them by taking out their threats.

4. Faith and religion

I must admit, to me this is one of the trickiest concepts in the game, second only to the culture bonuses.  It's difficult to figure out where your game will go in three hundred turns, and there are times that your religious bonuses are either unhelpful, or undefendable.  What little I can tell you to help you out I have below.

Pantheon:

For your pantheon, the most logical choice is to choose something that will net you a faith bonus based on where you're located... for instance, the +1 for all unforested Tundra squares, or the +1 for all Desert squares.  There's also a +2(!) for each stone/marble source you have, a +1 faith/+1 culture for each copper/iron/salt source you have, and a +1 faith/+1 culture for each gold/silver source you have.  These are definitely the easiest to obtain, and if you have enough of a resource it would be best.  If you have a natural Wonder close, you can get an extra +4 faith from it via the "One with Nature" bonus, which would make even the marginally bad Natural Wonders listed above reasonable, but only if you can't get more faith from another vector.

If you're going to be fighting quite a bit, the "God of War" bonus gives faith for every battle you win within 4 squares of a city that follows your Pantheon.  This is a good bonus if you're on defense quite a bit, but does little for offense unless you first prime the city you're going to war against.

There's another bonus that I've found... it's actually a bit of a delay for faith, but works really well.  If you choose the "Monument to the Gods", you'll get an extra 15% discount to building ancient or classical wonders, of which there's more than a few.  (E.g. Stonehenge, Colossus, Pyramids, Hanging Gardens, Mausoleum of Halicarnassus, Temple of Artemis, Oracle, Parthenon, Statue of Zeus, etc.)  Now, combine that bonus with one that the computer almost never takes when it comes time to select religious enhancements, which is +2 for every World Wonder.  Better yet, combine the +15% pantheon bonus with the +15% Tradition bonus, and if you're really lucky combine that with the +15% bonus from obtaining a source of marble.  It will only take a few turns to get Wonders up with all those bonuses!  And for later in the game, you now are getting a +2 for all of those classical wonders that you were able to build with the bonus(es), not to mention the fact that having the wonders gives additional bonuses to Great Persons, to underlying statistics, and can generate tourism/culture later on depending on what happens in the game.

At any rate, the pantheon bonus is going to be one of the last religious bonuses you receive until you get to choosing your Religious Enhancement, which comes with the second Great Prophet.  If you choose a pantheon bonus that is not religious, you do run the risk of not being able to keep your religion... there's only five in the eight-player game, and worse yet only seven on the huge maps.  If you choose a pantheon bonus that is not religious and you want to keep it, at that point it would be best to build a temple or three.

The Piety track of Culture bonuses:

There's now the "Piety" set of culture bonuses, and you will find more than a few computer players running down this set of bonuses.  If you're used to the old culture from Civ V Original, or the Gods & Kings expansion... it'll throw you for a loop, because previously you could not have Piety and Rationalization open at the same time.  Now, there's no limits.  I think that the game designers realized that while some religions inspire people to stay in the dark so that the religion can continue to dominate, other religions inspire people to discover new concepts... think of Islam in the Middle Ages, with the advances in science, mathematics, and other fields.

However, the problem with the Piety track is that unless you use your religion to gain the happy faces, none of the specific policies in the track gives you happy faces.  The other three tracks (Tradition, Honor, Liberty) all offer ways to get the happy faces, either via 1/2 of the population of the capital through the Tradition track or by connecting cities via road or by stationing military.  There are two religious tenets that provide happy faces, either through the total number of cities or by the population of foreign cities (IIRC), but that comes at a cost of some of the more excellent religious tenets, either the science track where missionaries/prophets can generate science by spreading religion, or via the faith provision where you can get +2 faith for each enemy city following your religion.

The good news is that you will be guaranteed at least some sort of religion by going down the Piety track.  Purchasing units for 20% off will make it so that you will have an inquisitor at all times to guard against an enemy prophet coming by.  The Reformation beliefs are helpful, especially two... one that allows for you to receive tourism for each building you purchase with faith, or another that allows you to purchase any Great Person that you want with your faith rather than having to go all the way down the track.  Both can be useful, though it depends on how much religion you can generate.  If smaller amounts, then the tourism bonus would probably be best... the buildings you build don't need as much faith as the Great Persons.  If you're able to generate gobs of faith points, then getting the Great Persons reformation would be most helpful... you can get the Great Persons you need to get the tourism points anyway, they'll come with culture points too, and you can then fill in any of the empty slots you have with the appropriate type of Great Person.  You can even make sure to get the themed bonuses this way, especially if you need to generate those Great Persons during a certain age -- e.g. Broadway, which requires three Great Musicians during the exact same age to get the theming bonus.

The other benefit to the Piety track is to be able to effectively pick a second Pantheon belief bonus via the Religious Tolerance policy, where a city with a majority religion can receive the Pantheon benefit of the second most popular religion.  The Pantheon beliefs aren't exactly the best, to be truthful, but in this situation you can not only control which one you get, but you can also pick on a per-city basis.  You can have an ocean city gain the +1 Production bonus while at the same time have an inland city receive the +1 Jungle Culture bonus... so they become more effective now that you've been able to choose based on the city.

Religious bonuses can be applied to every method of winning... for those people who want to send missionaries to civs that they will soon conquer, there's a 20% bonus against enemy civs that follow your faith with the "Holy War" enhancement.  Defense can also net you a +20% if your own city follows a religion with the "Defender of the Faith" enhancement.

Optimum Religion Bonuses:

Rolling up the whole world under your religion is easiest with the Pilgrimage bonus, which generates +2 Faith for each foreign city that follows your religion.  Add to that the -30% faith bonus for missionaries/inquisitors, and you can pretty much flood the zone.  There's an extra -20% faith for all units purchased on the Piety track that will make this even more effective.  Make sure to build temples as well as the Great Temple for the extra +8 Faith and the extra pressure that the Great Temple will exert.

Changing religions:

If you're not crazy about where your religion is taking you, then feel free to see if another religion will come by.  You can do this passively, as the computer players will send missionaries to your towns.  You can do this aggressively, as you can absolutely capture both prophets and missionaries too.  You will not have the benefit of owning the holy city and getting the nationwide bonuses (e.g. increased religion, additional happy faces, etc.) unless you take the holy city.  However, there are town-by-town bonuses that some religions will have (e.g. building Cathedrals/Pagodas/Mosques), and you can take advantage of their enhancer beliefs too, such as +25% strength or the +20% defense/offense for shared religion.  The other bonus to this is if you're playing culturally, converting to the religion that all the other civs have will give you the additional 25% shared religion bonus that one of the civs is probably already reaping.  May as well even that score if your religion is lacking in other ways.

Other odd and useful faith strategies:

You can always block missionaries from either moving through your territory or block cities from accepting a missionary via both military and civilian units.  As a missionary needs to be next to a city in order to work its magic, if it cannot get next to the city then it cannot do so.  It may also take attrition damage while waiting for your city to become available.  Similarly, make sure that if you send a missionary into a city that you do so while it still has moves left, or it could also absorb attrition damage.

If you happen to capture a Great Prophet before it can make one conversion, you can use the Great Prophet to create a holy site.  Useful if you manage to find one that was captured via barbarians, or if you preemptively take a Great Prophet that an enemy civ thought to send to your shores.  Be careful though, you won't know how many conversions the Great Prophet will have left on it until you take it.

All units that you have control of, be they military or civilian, cost gold.  If you happen to capture a Prophet or Missionary of another religion, you will need to pay for that unit until the day you disband it.  Feel free to keep it around long enough to be useful, but remember that you're paying for it each turn.


...whew!  There's probably more than this, but it's going to go on a later blog post.

#2LR Game Review - Civilization V, "Brave New World" Expansion -- with bonus partial walkthrough!

Review/FAQ/Walkthrough for Civilization V - Brave New World

Part 1/?

I know, I usually write reviews in this space.  And yes, there's already a place to upload walkthrough and FAQ information online.  I know that because I've already posted one, quite a few years back now, for Railroad Tycoon III, which also helpfully comes up in Google search if you look for "Railroad Tycoon 3 Walkthrough".  I do still get the occasional feedback from it, and I'm glad that I was able to help more than a few people in understanding the game and also to get through the scenarios/campaign missions.

Additionally, I would not be surprised if someone already has posted something akin to this; I'm sure that there are more than a few members of the public able and willing to write this up, and I also know that I am not one of the best Civilization V players out there.  However, I have won games at level five (out of eight), and I'm willing to at least post some of the things that have brought me success in this game.

So... the review! "Brave New World" is the second add-on to Civilization V.  It introduces new civilizations to the mix and also reconfigures one of the major aspects of the game, culture (and culture victories).  Previously, culture was by itself, representing all of the beautiful buildings that a civ could create.  Gain enough culture, win bonuses.  Gain even more culture than everyone else (quite a BIT of it), and if you'd gained 30 total culture bonuses, you'd be eligible to build a "utopia project" (if I remember correctly) which is an automatic game winner.  Chained to this modification is that the bonuses and headings are reconfigured, and there are "governments" that work through the culture menu that allow the world to split into factions somewhat like the Cold War of the second half of the twentieth century.

Now, culture has been split into culture and tourism.  Tourism is gained via either building wonders or earning points toward "great people", split between musicians, artists, and writers.  Get a great writer and you can create a great work of art, which increases your "tourism".  Or, alternately, build the Eiffel Tower and increase your tourism.  Bonuses come along the way to a Civ's tourism.  If one Civ's tourism number goes above another Civ's culture number, then the first Civ is said to be "dominant" (think US/Canada... sorry, northern brethren, though your culture is kinda cool).  If one Civ manages so much tourism as to dominate all other Civs, the game ends with the first Civ winning.

The other major addition to the game is caravans.  Previously, money appeared on the map on river squares and on ocean squares.  Not anymore!  Caravans now take the place of this money trade.  And, quite like historical life, caravans can be used to boost tourism, to spread science, and to spread religion.  They are also the first to go when one civilization declares war on another.  New buildings and existing buildings add bonuses to caravans.

The last update is now there is a "World Congress".  This is much like the modern United Nations.  For those more historically inclined, it seems to work far more similarly to the Congress of Vienna in 1815 after Napoleon's defeat.  Two nations can advance worldwide proposals, such as increasing either scientist or artist generation, or increasing culture, or proposing a "world's fair", and the group of currently active civilizations can vote on it.  There's more to come for this, I sincerely hope, because the proposals are so very limited.  For instance, you can only raise culture instead of lower it... you could also have a "scramble for Africa" setup where either settlers can come with happy bonuses for making new cities/connecting new luxuries, or nations can get bonuses for attacking the single-city nations that proliferate on the map.  At any rate, it's a new wrinkle in the game, though it could have been so much greater.

Taken as a whole... it definitely increases the complexity of the game, and that's not actually a bad thing.  There are additional nuggets hidden within, such as culture playing a very large role in government types that may or may not work.  I quite enjoy the changes that the developers have made, though I certainly hope that they attempt to take some of the changes a bit further to support other aspects of the game that were ignored.

Of course, for a fan of the genre and of the specific game, I would heartily endorse the upgrade and recommend it.  If you're not a Civ fan, or if you're not crazy about where they've taken the game, then feel free to skip to any of the other reviews/articles posted here.  Below this, I will go into some of the strategies that I've been able to make work for me when playing Brave New World on the higher difficulties.

1. Go in with a plan... before the game even starts

Sounds simple, right?  I mean, who doesn't?  However, this means to figure out the basic path that your game will take based on the civilization that you chose (or have had picked for you via random).  I've noticed many times over that the games I have the worst time with are the ones where I just kind of winged it.  When I prepare, I check to see which units/buildings are available, when they're available, and what aspect of the game (e.g. money, military, culture, etc.) the civ's bonus will take.  One recent for-instance was when I played as the Mongols, who have a mounted bowman with ranged attack as their special unit, replacing the knight.  This means that I have a pretty clear path to take out any enemy city or even enemy civ around the middle of the game when Chivalry is researched, so I need to plan to put in place the basis of this plan... have the horses as a resource ready, or better yet have the horsemen already built for a quick cash upgrade.  (FYI, I was taking out cities all the way into the 1900s with those mounted bowmen... when you get them upgraded all the way with +1 range and +1 attack, a group of six can hit for a combined total of 120 points on even a mature city and still stay out of reach... food for thought.)

2. Use the first few turns of the game to refine or rethink your plan.

Who is around you?  Are you in a crossroads or off in a corner?  Hemmed in by city-states or by the ocean? Within ten turns or so, you'll know the type of lands you're starting on (e.g. islands, continents, or a pangaea), but you'll likely have an idea of some of the other civs.  If you are playing against religious civilizations, they might have already formed their pantheons within ten turns, fifteen at the outside.  In the beginning of the game, you're most likely already waiting on either the monument to be built, or a scout (or two), so there's not a whole lot of variance... but then you will be able to figure out if you can start out as a builder, or if you need to get defending.  If you're surrounded on all sides, getting defense is priority number one, to make sure that you can not only keep the other civs out but to be able to exert force if necessary.  If no one is immediately apparent, you could either squeeze out that extra settler or begin that wonder a bit earlier to reap the benefits of the earlier start.

Knowing what the land will give you can tell you whether or not a tall (few cities with lots of population) or wide (lotsa cities with luxuries, small population) will be the way to go.  Tall civs have the ability to build quicker, but don't forget that defense... you can't trade land for time going tall.  Of course, make sure your culture bonuses match your plan too.  The for-instance is the difference between the Tradition and Freedom paths... Freedom gives you +1 per city connected to the capital, while Tradition gives you both a +1 for each 10 population plus a +1 for each two population in the capital.  So an empire with a capital city of 24 and two additional cities of 12 would have +3 happy via Freedom, but a +12 and a +2 from the capital as well as +2 from each of the two other cities, for a total of +14 happiness.

By the way, a surefire way to tell that you're going to get invaded (especially at the higher levels) is when you see a computer civ that only has one city and a marker in the diplomacy screen saying "They covet your lands!"  That means that they've been building pretty much nothing but military since the start, and they're coming after YOU, especially if you happen to have the last-ranked military in the world.  Sniff these threats out as soon as possible.

3. Losing production is NOT an option.

When building new cities, do not let the computer dictate your food/production ratio.  Do it yourself.... or at the very least, set the flag to "production".  You can make up the food via the granary if you care to, but most likely it will be that much more important to get either defense (an archer) or culture (a monument) to consolidate your new gain.

There's a side-effect to not letting the game grow your cities too much as well.  Production drops by percentage points in each city with the "Brave New World" rules when you go underneath zero happiness.  It's better to get the production and to make your few citizens work smarter, not to grow out the city and make the whole rest of your kingdom suffer.

The other side-effect is that there are wonders that are limited by either culture (e.g. Forbidden Palace, Porcelain Tower) or by terrain (e.g. Colossus, Machu Picchu) that a small city could absolutely build if given the time.  A food focus early could defeat this purpose though, especially if you're also trying to build the national wonders (e.g. National College, Heroic Epic) because food-focused cities rarely build all the buildings you need quickly enough to make the national wonders viable.  And also FYI, the Colossus wonder is really far more useful now than it was before.

Oh, and that losing production is not an option?  That goes for wonders too.  Don't go after wonders if your empire can't support it.  Trusting one archer to defend against a horde of Aztec Jaguars while you finish Stonehenge in a desperate attempt to make up for lost religion is pretty much a white flag of surrender.  The best case scenario is that you're defending your cities with a lone archer while getting +5 religion per turn.  The worst case scenario is that you're defending your cities with a lone archer while not getting +5 in religion while at the same time earning a pittance for not finishing your Stonehenge in time.

Even in a normal situation, losing the production is not ever really a good thing.  That's not to say to never build wonders, but to make sure that your empire can support the possible lost production.  The replacement gold is really crummy when you don't make it, and you could have been building a military that could have taken the wonder from the city that builds it anyway.

In the upper levels, when you get past Level Four (Prince) and higher, the computer goes from being even in production to needing less production to finish buildings/projects.  All you have to do to verify this fact is to get to the midgame on a King-level game and view a city that you've sent a spy to.  The city will only need 90% of the production you need in order to finish everything, including wonders.  If you lose 300 production to a failed Alhambra, remember that it could have meant a trebuchet plus two pikemen to take the city that ended up building it... and the gold that you get for the consolation prize is definitely not enough to buy all three units.

Extra hint... the secret to military in the game is that military is how you steal someone else's production.  Not only in taking over cities that have built buildings/Wonders, but even in tying up an enemy Civ's time and resources into building an army rather than building improvements.  An army costs money and does not come with an immediate boost in any resource, unlike a building or a Wonder.

4. Research what you need (and can use) immediately.

This is in reference to two contexts.   In the beginning of the game, there's just so much that needs doing, such as getting the technologies to develop your resources, building certain units (archers/composite bowmen/horsemen), exploration (trireme), and Wonders that you need to get set up.  It may sound trite, but it's pointless to work on a technology that you really don't need.

However, this also has reference to the middle of the game too.  The computer usually goes into specific tracks, especially to pick up currency (to gain Petra) and to get to Civil Service (to gain both pikemen and Chichen Itza).  You can use this to beat the computer either to the Education track, setting up your research for the long haul, or to pick up the lower end of the spectrum (Engineering/Metal Working) so that you can boost your shields and your defenses.  Another way to go is one of the new bonuses in the Commerce track, which is that Landsknechts are available as the second Commerce bonus.  Of course, your defenses will be more than set if you pick up Crossbowmen, and getting all your cities in shape to start setting up a military to deal with those Civs that go in a different direction would be helpful.

Just remember that if you follow the other Civs into the same track, at higher levels they'll be likely to get the upgraded soldiers as well as the wonders first unless you have a solid plan (e.g. a Great Engineer to help finish Wonders, or a ton of catapults/spearmen just waiting for the Civil Service tech to become a pikemen/catapult invasion force).  Whenever a new tech comes up, have either a plan for what you're going to do with the immediate tech or open up the tech screen to figure out a tech that's two or three downstream that you can really make hay out of.

5. Culture

Gotta have it even in the beginning, or else the end game will absolutely suck the bag.  There's two ways to go about it... either build it yourself or take it from someone else.  Just remember a couple of principles here.

--If someone's building culture nearby you and building it quickly, they may have a weak defense.  Getting them to stop building culture could be as easy as declaring war and putting a few troops in position to threaten... as above, forcing them to build military will be tantamount to wasting their production, especially if you defend via ranged units (archers, catapults) with the occasional horseman to keep their own ranged units honest.

--If someone's building it far away, you're going to have to figure out a way to get others around that Civ to declare wars against them, or to build culture buildings as a defense.  And whatever you do, only engage in open border treaties with them when absolutely necessary, and trade with them (via caravan) only when absolutely necessary.  Those two things will help their tourism bonus overwhelm your culture bonus... but their tourism bonus will definitely go down far quicker if they're defeated.  Also remember, one of the culture tracks will raise the tourism bonus for shared trade routes/open borders/shared religion.  Allowing them to buy your extra luxuries can also lead to them getting more happiness and therefore additional culture as well, so be careful when dealing with the culture hog!

This will likely be a three-part series, as I am planning to cover the middle game next and wrap up with the end game.  Good luck!

Grand Theft Auto V Review

Needlessly frustrating.

That's how I sum up my overall experience with this game. I felt 'Grand Theft Auto V' was an asshole when it didn't have to be and much like 'Red Dead Redemption', it seemed determined to punish you for having any sort of fun outside its established parameters within the story mode.

I know this game has already sold like a billion copies so what I have to say here will probably make little to no difference to Rockstar Games or its fans who have declared their unequivocal love for this series. And hey, I loved and still love to play older Rockstar titles like 'Grand Theft Auto: Vice City', 'The Warriors' and 'Bully'. But nowadays, I personally just don't understand the loyalty some people have for this company anymore. Ever since 'Grand Theft Auto IV', it seems to me more and more like Rockstar has forgotten how to make their games FUN.

Warning: Spoilers follow:

You've probably heard a few of the complaints people have had about 'Grand Theft Auto V'. The misogyny, an unskippable torture scene, animal cruelty, unlikable protagonists, etc. Personally, none of those were more offensive to me than the game's overall general attitude towards the player but let's briefly tackle those complaints one at a time.

Misogyny: This has been a staple of the Grand Theft Auto series for some time now. I sold my copy of 'Vice City Stories' after finishing it because I found it to be too vile and hateful towards women, despite enjoying the 80s setting. I've also never liked the idea of being able to kill a prostitute to get your money back after she healed your ungrateful ass in any of the GTA games, but ultimately the choice is given to you whether or not to kill the hooker after sex, so it's on the player.

As for the other women in this game, it's true they're almost all portrayed as either spoiled brats or total bitches and I can totally understand why people would be upset by this but IMHO, I felt the men in the game are almost all portrayed as spoiled brats and/or total assholes as well, so really, regardless of gender, I felt there wasn't one likeable person in the entire game.

Case in point: Fan favorite Lazlow, the only character whose been in every GTA game and whose twisted but still likable character has been slowly sinking into the muck with every new GTA game is now turned into a complete douchebag in order to justify a later unskippable scene where douchebag protagonist Michael De Santa forces the player to torture Lazlow with piercings and a tattoo needle in order to defend the honour of his douchebag daughter, Tracey. Make no mistake, I firmly believe this game hates EVERYBODY, especially the player.

Torture Scene: This scene IS mandatory in the story mode and can't be skipped. About the only good thing I can say about it is that you have the choice of items to torture with so you can at least attempt to pick the least damaging approach and repeat it until the scene is over. I seriously have to ask what was the point of it though? To parody real life events? Uh yeah, I play video games to ESCAPE real life, thanks. To make us feel bad and uncomfortable? This is a videoGAME, I don't want to feel bad and uncomfortable, I want to have FUN. Remember FUN, Rockstar?

Animal Cruelty: Again, this is a matter of player's choice but the animals in this game are all ink and paint, ones and zeroes and I really can't see this game encouraging people to go out into the desert and shoot up the local wildlife unless they live in an environment where that type of activity was already commonplace well before this game was released. I just feel any group that protests animal cruelty is better served focusing on ACTUAL animal cruelty than worrying about players running over virtual coyotes.

Unlikable Protagonists: It's hard for me to enjoy a game when you're not rooting for any of the protagonists and this game has THREE of them. Franklin Clinton was the least offensive character for me but at the same time, he's a soldier who basically shrugs off all the madness around him and doesn't really have much in the way of motivation or goals, just basically going where the plot tells him to go. He's a little bland and his character arc doesn't really go anywhere. He's like a more laid back C.J. Johnson from 'San Andreas' but with less backstory.

But at least Franklin isn't a hypocrite like Michael De Santa, who tries to come off as an older Tommy Vercetti but is far too much of a pussy for that. Michael is a retired bank robber who hates his life and is seeing a shrink, and ends up getting back into the criminal game through a misunderstanding with a local crime lord.

Oh, but now he has a family to worry about, although why the hell he would bother is a complete mystery to me as Michael’s family are completely and utterly unlikable and every mission involving them just made me want to kill the everlasting fuck out of them. Just because they're a parody of the spoiled rich dysfunctional family doesn't make having to spend time in their presence any less excruciating. Why the hell would I ever want to help and especially save any of these idiots? Oh right, because the game says I have to and refuses to continue until I do. Fuck you, Rockstar.

And of course, despite murdering hundreds of people during the course of the game, you are never given the choice to simply leave or kill your annoying family without immediately ending the game because THAT WOULD BE WRONG. 9_9

Our third protagonist is Trevor Philips who's a straight up psychopath... no wait, he's a killer with a heart of gold... no no, he's a sadist who loves to torture... oh nope, wait, he's just a tortured soul with a soft spot for the tormented... hold on, he just massacred a group of people for insulting his Canadian heritage... yeah. Trevor's character is all over the place, every time he starts to lean towards likable, he does something that makes me want to play as Franklin again just to get away from him.

And while I admit Trevor is probably the most willing and able to engage in the type of mayhem and murder that's supposed to make these games fun to play in the first place, his personality was just too off-putting most of the time and he's still a slave to the albatross that is this game's story which has him kowtowing to people that you actually WANT him to straight up murder the moment they looked at him funny but he won't. Oh, and he's also a pilot, which means you get to fly planes and helicopters with him, and guess what? The flying controls are every bit as clunky and nausea-inducing as the last few GTA games! Yay!

Fortunately, and in fairness, there were a few improvements to gameplay. The cars are not quite as shit to drive as the previous game. You can now play the stock market and actually drive down prices by attacking certain company vehicles, enabling you to clean up with their rival's stocks, which is a cool idea. There are also now mid-mission checkpoints, which was much appreciated and LONG overdue. The bank heist missions were probably the high point of the game for me, but there were too few of them and to be honest, they kinda made me want to play 'Sly Cooper 2: Band of Thieves' instead. ;P

And finally, we come to the main reason this and the last few Rockstar games have thoroughly pissed me off. Overall, it just plain wasn't fun for me to play. I find myself comparing GTA to the 'Saints Row' series, considered to be nothing more than another GTA clone with its first game, actually managed to surpass GTA IV with 'Saints Row 2', IMHO, and the series hasn't looked back since. Not in terms of game sales, unfortunately, but 'Saints Row fucking understands how to make a fun game that you'll want to go back and explore for hours on end, with a story mode that celebrates chaos and respects the player while never taking itself too seriously.

'Grand Theft Auto V' was the complete opposite experience for me and gives off the impression of being free-spirited while being almost completely inflexible with its story and what you can actually do in the game. It wants to be taken seriously at the expense of its gameplay and DEMANDS that you follow its story and embrace its characters and if you don't like them, tough shit cause you're stuck with them.

Now I won't deny being able to design your own protagonist was a big plus in regards to the 'Saints Row' series but I honestly didn't mind playing as an established character like Eizo from 'Assassin's Creed II' because he was a likable protagonist with interesting characters and a story that kept me intrigued throughout. But when I find that the story, characters and protagonists are all shit to me, then what the hell reason do I have to play this game?

And don't let the multiple endings fool you either. IMHO, there is NO freedom of choice or direction in 'Grand Theft Auto V'. The game tells you how you should be reacting to its characters and basically tells you to go to hell if you feel any differently. Case in point: When I reached the end of the game, I killed Michael as Franklin because during the course of the game, I came to despise everything about Michael, his family and I wanted revenge for Lazlow and the character he was before this game ruined him.

All of a sudden, Franklin is guilt-ridden about killing Michael, even as he's chasing him down with a gun. Then afterwards, his family is tearfully calling me and trying to make me feel bad about the murder and Trevor's character flip flops YET AGAIN and refuses to speak to me anymore out of spite.

The game utterly refused to consider the possibility that I felt completely justified in killing Michael and endlessly berated me for doing it, despite Franklin not really ever showing any signs of having a close relationship with Michael in the first place. Hey game? How about letting ME decide how I feel about killing Michael instead of lecturing me like I'm eight years old!? -_-;

That's when I realized I'd had enough. I didn't want to free play. I didn't want to see the other two endings. I didn't want to finish up any last side missions. I uninstalled the game and sold it as quickly as possible on Kajiji. Good fucking riddance.

If you haven't bought 'Grand Theft Auto V' yet for whatever reason, I highly recommend you just get something else. Like 'Saints Row IV', which may not have sold as many copies but was unquestionably the more fun experience for me. But that's just my opinion and I force it on no one.

Unlike 'Grand Theft Auto V'.

Hitman: Absolution Review (XBOX 360 Version)

You know, I was originally going to come up with a joke title for this review, like 'Batman: Absolution' or 'Hitmans Creed', but then I remembered that those games were actually good and fun to play... this game, not so much. And if I sound more bitter than usual for this review, that's because I am.

Warning: Mild Spoilers follow:

The Hitman series, at least for me, didn't get really good until the fourth installment 'Hitman: Blood Money' which I consider to be a masterpiece of stealth gaming and a title that I'm proud to have in my collection and replay at least once a year. It's always a drag when I realize a sequel is inferior in just about every way except graphics, naturally.

'Hitman: Absolution' is yet another example of a beloved series being dumbed down in order to reach a wider audience and losing focus on what made the series great to begin with. And this time not only does the gameplay suffer, but the story and the main character, Agent 47 as well. Wonderful.

Let's start with gameplay. In past Hitman games, going in guns blazing usually got you killed pretty quickly or at least raised your notoriety to such a high level that it made the game needlessly difficult, though granted, it was fun to blow off steam sometimes for tough levels that you could try again later when you got it out of your system or just wanted to see how hard the game could get by ending every mission in a bloodbath.

In 'Absolution', gunning down everyone in sight is not only considered a practical option, there's now a point-shooting mechanic where you can mark several targets at once and then sit back and watch 47 murder all of them in cool slo-mo. Except Hitman isn't supposed to be a John Woo film. Or Rambo for that matter. Not to say you don't have the option of being meticulous and stealthy with your kills but with the new shooting mechanics and lack of long-term consequences, it just seems like the game fully expected and in some spots, encouraged the player to lose patience with it and start blasting.

Also, this game has Eagle... sorry, I mean INSTINCT vision which slows down time and lights up your target like a roman candle and makes them easier to spot in a crowd. Now I can understand how some people would prefer this to looking for your target on an interactive map and that the map isn't as necessary because the areas in this game are smaller, but it just felt out of place for me, like Agent 47 had suddenly developed superpowers and yes, I know being able to spot a moving target as a red dot on a map isn't exactly realistic either. Maybe this is just a nitpicky moment for me, but I really didn't care for this kind of mechanic in a Hitman game at all.

Another thing that REALLY annoyed me was respawning enemies. When people died in previous Hitman games, they stayed dead unless you restarted the mission. This one, they come back if you die midway through the mission for NO GOOD REASON and FUCK YOU to whoever came up with that idiotic design decision. As for the multiplayer, I didn't try it so I can't comment on that aspect of the game.

Unlike previous games, 'Absolution' doesn't assign specific missions by your handler, Diana, whom I can't really discuss without going into heavy spoilers, and the entire game has you trying to protect and later rescue a mysterious teenage girl whom two baddies want to exploit to serve their own ends. More on them later.

There's also no newspapers detailing your exploits or raising your notoriety, no weapons or tools to buy, no pre-mission briefings or optional missions to take for personal gain, just you and whatever you can find in the location you're at, which would've been interesting to do for maybe one mission or two, but was it really necessary for the ENTIRE GAME?

Also, the levels in this game are much smaller, each one feeling like you're in a single large room instead of exploring a entire area. Maybe this was necessary in order to maintain the level of graphic quality with a smooth frame rate but it felt more like a big step backwards to me.

Speaking of a step backwards, let's talk about disguises. The effectiveness of disguises in early Hitman games could be twitchy and even if you did nothing wrong, you could be found out. In 'Blood Money' they improved this mechanic by having suspicious people walk up to you and either politely ask or loudly demand for you to explain your presence in a restricted area. If you failed to respond after a few moments, THEN they would pull out their guns, which was a big improvement over them IMMEDIATELY pulling their guns to blow you away if you so much as sniffed your nose the wrong way.

Well, apparently the developers of 'Absolution' decided that people should see through your disguises quicker despite what you do, forcing you to either constantly change clothes during the mission or kill the person currently annoying you. The fact that the game now allows you to stuff two bodies in a bin, instead of one as in previous Hitman games suggests to me they expected you to choose the latter option. ^_^;

Now I'll try my best to summarize the story for this game: YEE-HAW! Well, that was easy. Seriously though, it's like the developers of the previous game were replaced with good old boys and they looked at the Mississippi missions from 'Blood Money' and said "Hot Damn! We should make the whole game like that!" Maybe they should have called this game 'Hitman: Deliverance'. ^_^;

The game's... secondary villain? Primary villain? I dunno, there were a few of them and not one of them seemed all that more important than the others... is some stereotypical redneck that we're supposed to believe heads a R&D facility when the character isn't qualified to run a pie eating contest. The other villain is a typical bland American bad guy who also seems woefully unqualified as the new head of the ICA. Also notable is that both of these baddies have hot female assistants that are clearly more intelligent than either of them but they add virtually nothing to the story.

Speaking of adding nothing, let's talk about the Saints for a moment. And I don't mean the Saints of 'Saints Row' although Johnny Gat Vs. Agent 47 would be an interesting fight. I personally had no problems with the sexy killer nuns trailer that got so many people upset, because I figured those characters and their bizarre choice of costume would be explained in greater detail in the game.

Well, unless their role was drastically reduced because of all the negative publicity, the Saints had practically no presence or impact in the game at all. They were just another hit squad that appears in one level that were ridiculously easy to pick off one by one. No backstory, no explanation why they dressed like fetish nuns, NOTHING. And I don't care if the novels (which I haven't read) or the Hitman Wiki explains them in more detail, the game gave us nothing to go on and the whole exercise was in my mind completely pointless unless it was simply to generate controversy to sell the game, in which case, mission fucking accomplished but IMHO, the execution (no pun intended) stunk.

Now I'd like to discuss the main character, Agent 47 for a moment. For those new to the series, his basic backstory is that he is a clone that was trained as an assassin. He killed his creator and briefly attempted to live a normal life but found it to be impossible. He accepted this truth and what he was and became the perfect Hitman. And while he is not completely without emotion or empathy, he never lets it interfere with his job. He is also NOT a fool who takes on situations beyond his abilities to handle or acts like an idiot unless the player decides to play him that way during a mission.

In 'Absolution', Agent 47 commits several acts out of the player's control which can only be described as FUCKING STUPID. Chief among them, he gives up his famous silenced baller pistols to an informant in exchange for information, which he would NEVER do in a million years. Did the game have so little confidence in its enemy AI that it felt the need to make Agent 47 as vulnerable as possible? Or maybe they did it so they would have a weak excuse to explain away a later scene where the Redneck's main henchman, who's basically Bane from 'Batman' without the mask, knocks Agent 47 out when he attempts to GAROTTE him. REALLY?

I'm sorry, but I simply can't summon the suspension of disbelief necessary to buy that the world's greatest hitman is so stupid that he thinks he can strangle to death a man several times his own size when a bullet would do the job far more safely and efficiently. But no, the game needed to have Agent 47 unconscious and vulnerable and this was the only way the developers could think of to do it. ^_^;

Let's see, what else did I miss... Yeah, the graphics look nice, I guess. But the scope of the game felt reduced with the smaller rooms so it didn't really impress me. The music was crap, but then that's no surprise since Jesper Kyd wasn't involved in scoring this game and personally, I'm kinda glad he wasn't involved with this shit. Oh yeah, there was also a sequence late in the game where a big deal is made of Agent 47 getting his famous trademark silk suit back... which he then promptly leaves behind getting into disguise to infiltrate a building. Unless, of course, you go in guns blazing. 9_9

So yeah, I pretty much despised this game. I only played through it once and I have honestly no desire whatsoever to do so again. If you've never played a Hitman game before, I strongly urge you to pick up 'Hitman: Blood Money' for the 360 or PC instead as it is SO much better, IMHO.

Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded (Steam Version)

  Ah, Larry. I've been playing this series since 1987 when the original LSL came out for the Amiga and I had to go to my dad to ask him for the answers to the trivia questions because I didn't know about the cheat to skip them and I was too young to be playing the games at that time anyway. ;P

  The Larry series in general has had its high and low points but even when the license seemed dead and buried for good after the complete abomination that was 'Box Office Bust', the fans wouldn't give up on the series and now thanks to Kickstarter, Leisure Suit Larry has been born anew... sort of.

  Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded is a fan game. It was developed and brought to life by ex-Sierra employees including the original creator himself, Al Lowe and funded by loyal fans. Because of this, any professional criticism almost doesn't matter at this point because it's a labor of love and the people that supported it could care less what websites like GameSpot have to say about it.

  This isn't the first time the original Leisure Suit Larry has been remade. In 1991, it got a VGA remake with a full soundtrack. And it was alright, the background art was a bit too garish and cartoony for my personal tastes but I enjoyed the new soundtrack quite a bit. Still, it was pretty much the exact same game with a fresh coat of paint.

  Leisure Suit Larry Reloaded takes this a step or two further and gives us many new features to enjoy. For starters, it now has full voice support and narration. The voices are all well done, Jan Rabson is back as the voice of Larry and does his usual excellent job. The narrator is not Neil Ross from LSL 6 and 7, but Brad Venable and he did alright too. Though, nothing personal to Brad, but I much prefer to read my game descriptions rather than have them read out to me... unless it's Gary Owens. ;P

  Also, it's nice that not EVERY woman on the planet who isn't one of the main cast, instantly snubs or insults Larry. In past Larry games, you really got the impression sometimes that 90% of the world either refused to acknowledge Larry's presence at all or flat out despised him. Yes, I know he's supposed to be a hapless loser, but the hate and cruelty directed at him was pretty damn harsh at times and to have a few women who actually laugh *with* Larry and even find him cute was a pleasant surprise and I truly hope this trend continues in future Larry games as not every man is an asshole and not every woman is a bitch.

 Much like LSL 6 and 7, you can interact with and look at most things on each screen and there's a joke for every one of them, some better than others. On several screens outside, fans who donated a good portion of money have been given their own star on the 'Wall of Shame' which then Larry comments on and makes fun of. Normally I'd find this kind of stuff very distracting from the game, but interacting with the stars is entirely optional so I don't have a problem with it.

  The graphics for Reloaded have been given the HD treatment and they look absolutely gorgeous and much more appealing overall than the 1991 VGA remake. There are new animations as well, and while the background ones are very well done, it must be said that some of the character ones were more than a little underwhelming for me and in a few places where it seemed an animation was called for, nothing happened. I don't know if this was a matter of budget, time or technical issues, but it was noticeable. And since I know it's going to be an issue for some, yes, there IS nudity in the game. It's hidden and not excessive, but it's there. ;P

 The music has also been redone from the ground up but this is where I was a bit disappointed. Sierra games, and Larry games in particular, could almost always be counted on for providing a great soundtrack, and I own a Roland sound card so I'm able to get the most out of them. Reloaded uses real instruments for a soundtrack that is certainly decent and not bad at all, but... not really memorable either. It's almost... I dunno, TOO understated. It does the job, I guess, but the soundtrack just didn't stick in my mind and grab my attention like past Larry games.

  Some of the puzzles have been changed around to make a bit more logical sense and provide a bit more challenge for veterans of the game as well as eliminate the dead ends, thank god. Likewise, a new woman for Larry to pursue has been added and while she fits into the game well enough, she feels all too brief at the same time. Not to say I didn't enjoy and appreciate the extra content but I would've liked to have seen even more encounters like this and expanded upon a bit but I can understand to a point how they didn't want to deviate too much from the original Larry.

  Actually, that may be one of the game's biggest problems. While I completely understand wanting to pay homage and proper respect to the original game, there are a few things that really should've been changed and/or updated. One of these is the Casino games. Much like the original LSL, gambling is not optional and you will need to save/restore a whole bunch of times to have enough money for the game. If you haven't played LSL before or in a long time, I highly recommend avoiding breaking the bank until AFTER your encounter with Fawn, because otherwise it's a big waste of your time.

  What makes it worse is that there's no (as of this review) maximum bet button, which means you need to manually up your bet each time you win in order to build up enough. (You'll need at least several hundred.) This is tedious, boring and really should've been changed to something more entertaining and a lot less frustrating.

  The changing channels sequence was another tedious exercise that should've been updated in some way, as you had to do it ten times with the same description of said action spoken EVERY time. One reason it may have been so tedious is because, to be honest, the new television show gags weren't nearly as amusing to me as the ones in the original games. Not even close. Really, the objects in the room itself were funnier to interact with.

  Finally, the Taxi mechanic was a bit annoying as well. The original game required some backtracking and Reloaded is no exception. Again, I know the original game was like that but I think the whole process could have been made a little less stale and lame sign gags weren't the way to go.

  While some areas of the game have been expanded and new rooms added, there are a couple of moments that just feel unfinished, like Lefty's bathroom, and the timing of a few of the jokes seem to be completely rushed and off. Case in point: In the original Larry game and 1991 remake, you can make Larry take a crap in the bathroom. As Larry reads the paper, there's a pause and the message 'You feel a great relief!' comes up. Another pause and the sound of a fart is heard and the message 'What's that aroma?' comes up.

 In Reloaded, Larry sits down on the toilet with his paper and the two messages come up instantly one after the other with NO pausing and NO fart sound effect, completely ruining the timing of the jokes and being less funny as a result. I'm not going to say this sort of thing is a deal breaker but it's still irritating all the same and should have been tested more closely.

  But what about the humor you may be asking at this point? Well, it's Al Lowe and Josh Mandel so if you're a fan of their humor and descriptions from past Sierra games, you'll be in heaven. While there were a few puns that made me wince, I can't deny that I'm a sucker for the majority of them and I'm also the type of person who really enjoys clicking everything on everything just to see what they're going to say next.

  I also wanted to mention something about the story, and I admit this is entirely selfish nitpicking on my part, but I was really hoping for a brief prologue to the game taken from the old game manual showing Larry as the computer software nerd who got kicked out of his house by his mother and thus transformed into Leisure Suit Larry. I think they mention Larry selling software once or twice during the game but otherwise no backstory is given to Larry at all, which is a shame because it would've been nice to see it finally animated. Also, the ending of the game was far too abrupt, and yes, I know, the original game was abrupt too, but... in an age of endless cutscenes, you really couldn't give Larry and his lover one extra minute to enjoy themselves? Really?

 So my overall feelings on the game? I enjoyed it. There was room for improvement to be sure, and I have my few personal nitpicks but overall, I did enjoy replaying the game as a longtime fan of the Leisure Suit Larry series and the old Sierra games. I would look forward to a sequel as long as improvements continue to be made and lessons are learned from Reloaded.

  The original Leisure Suit Larry 2, IMHO, had a few bright spots and a LOT of problems so I personally think the makers of Reloaded would be best served starting fresh with that game, maybe keeping the few things that did work, and most importantly, not handcuff themselves by sticking too close to a game design that while a classic, is now showing its age in many aspects.

#2LR Too Late Review - "Oregon Trail", for Wii

When I was in fourth grade, I had a rather awesome teacher.  I was already a bit ahead of everyone in math, and instead of making everyone march to the same beat in the math textbook, she'd offer the pretest and final test for each math chapter.  If you passed both with a 90%, you were on to the next chapter of the book.

Under this scheme, I managed to finish fourth-grade math class within about four months.  By January, there were no more tests to take.  In our classroom at the time was an old Apple IIe, mostly gathering dust, until my teacher told me that the IIe would be my new "math teacher" until June.  There were a set of five-and-a-quarter floppy disks to use, which included a time-travel game where you had to guess which event happened last, a plant-growing game where you could adjust the variables, and my final project was programming the turtle in Logo to draw a US flag with a program.  (I did.)

This is also where I first played "Oregon Trail".  Remember a couple weeks ago when I said that the first couple minigames were in the 90s?  I can't believe that I forgot about the "hunting" feature in Oregon Trail.  Kids absolutely loved shooting at the buffalo, and I was no different.  The rest of the game was also fun, though it also was one of the first games that allowed me to curse the Random Number God (dysentary!  Again!)

As new Oregon Trail games were published, I'd pick them up; I have a copy of Oregon Trail 2 as well as Oregon Trail 5 for PC, and I am almost positive that I have at least one (if not both) of 3 and 4 around somewhere too.  So, yeah, I like the game and I am a bit of an Oregon Trail connoissieur.

So, when I found that our local library had a copy of Oregon Trail on Wii, I was instantly interested.  The aspects about the game that I enjoyed more and more as the series went on were the hunting (still), the trail markers, the supplies you had to manage, and having to pick the correct path.  Fighting the Random Number God was also interesting.  One of my most memorable games happened when going to California, getting stuck in the Sierra Nevadas for about six fall/winter/spring months, holding on for dear life... and ultimately not making it to the Sacramento Valley.  It may have been a red line plus text on a screen rather that a picture, but I could see that line just struggle to try to complete the journey, rooting for it to keep going, until all was lost.

Needless to say, I had high hopes for this game.  My childhood demanded nothing less than pure enjoyment.  Considering the actions of the Wii controller, I figured that the minigames would be more interesting and possibly more challenging and fun.

So, we (my wife and I) popped the game into the Wii and started.  Almost off the bat, we found out that there's no reading in this game if you don't want it.  There's a "storyteller" that you have to click on in order to get any background on where you are and why you're there, eminently skippable if you don't care to see.  The storyteller also provides roughly a paragraph or so, there's just not a whole lot of space for info on his little screen even if you do want to learn.

The supplies were also greatly simplified from the "Oregon Trail 5" days, consisting of wagon supplies, clothes, pounds of food, and ammunition.  The complexity is that different guns shoot quicker or more scattershot, and different wagon parts have better strengths or weaknesses.  Contrasting to Oregon Trail 5, in the PC game you could literally buy the clothes piecemeal (bonnet, mitten, etc.), buy casks for water carrying, buy cornmeal/lard for corncakes along the way, even buy a chicken and cow to obtain milk/eggs along the trail (and meat if they die), salt for preserving meat... it was more complex, but far more interesting and engaging to make sure you had fruit/veggies to stay well.

Once you hit the trail, Wii Oregon is far more interactive.  You literally steer the cart with your nunchuk joystick, with the speed going up and down depending on either a forward whip-crack motion or pressing the Z button to stop.  You also now have to avoid the rocks, trees, and rough portions of the trail to keep going.  It does introduce a question to the game... either go slow, lose time, and try to keep your wagon pristine, or go fast, gain time, but break down your oxen and cart, both of which take damage points when hitting these obstacles.  Along the trail though, there are horseshoes or wagon wheels that you can pick up to gain health on your wagon or oxen.  Last note, if you get caught on the trail on 31 October... you lose, outright.  You do get some options to choose your direction, however.

Crossing rivers was always one of the major challenges in the Oregon Trail series.  In Wii Oregon though, there's no choice between floating and fording... you ford every one.  The rivers also have obstacles and rewards in them like the paths do.  (Slight positive: there's no tipping of wagons in rivers!)

Hunting is more active, though it is limited to pointing the Wiimote at the screen and pressing the A button when the animal is in the crosshairs.  There's no "holding the Wiimote like a gun" here.  Fishing is also present, where you need to throw your line and when a fish hits, you have to spin the directional stick on the nunchuk.  Too fast and the fish is lost.

Random encounters still happen on the trail, you run into both good people and bad.  Some steal food, others trade, etc.  Towns will still sell food along the way too.  There's very little geography involved... in the PC version, you know where you stop every time (Chimney Rock!  Independence Rock!  Soda Springs!)  Here, unless you click on that storyteller, you're at Checkpoint Whatever... though the forts are named, for what it's worth.

Of course, we've left out the Random Number God until now.  I played one game of Wii Oregon, and one game was enough.  In order to repair the wagon or heal the oxen or recover from illness, you must rest.  In this game, resting causes your wagon to CATCH ON FIRE.  (I wish I was joking.)  We lost a ton and a half of food this way, as it would destroy more than 25 pounds almost every time.  Even resting within the walls of a fort wouldn't help.

I did not figure out whether it was the just the RNG being an absolute bear, or a flaw in the game, but my people would catch sick and get sicker when resting too.  I understand that bad things happened while on the trail, but seriously?  To keep catching sick while resting rather than in the wagon?  During summertime in the Great Plains?

Of course, I didn't really cover how *easy* it was to steer the landyacht.  It isn't.  Since the trail twists and turns, the computer will force you to stay on it, and your reference will be messed up as the trail turns... it forces you to the same relative position on the trail (say, ten feet from the left) while cornering and will end up forcing you into obstacles as you go around curves.  And the 31 October time limit is extremely restrictive... if you go slow, be prepared to lose.

In summation... the Wii game is not the Oregon Trail that I grew up with, and is not even close.  I will grant that I had a very small sample size, but when I complete the first level by pulling into Oregon on October 30, having had someone die THREE STEPS before, and knowing that resting will KILL me more, and I didn't even learn any new anythings about the Oregon Trail I just travelled... that's it, I'm done.  Nostalgia is over.

Final Rating: 0.4 -- fishing was fun, I guess, though the Random Number God couldn't even be bothered to send ONE BUFFALO our way either.