#2LR - Too Late Reviews - Captain America

It may come as no surprise that one of my favorite musicians is "Weird Al" Yankovic.  I started listening to his music at age 11 and still enjoy his music to this day, even if his output comes close to matching my output writing MSTs at the main site.  Yankovic has two main weapons... one that everyone is familiar with, when he takes a complete song and just puts new lyrics to it.  These are the songs that get the occasional airplay on radio and occasionally get on the Billboard lists.  Less famous are what he calls his "style parodies", where he writes a new song but uses all of the tactics used by a famous artist, perhaps exemplified best by a song from one of his previous albums called "Genius in France", which if you close your eyes you can see Frank Zappa easily singing (example track: "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow").

I say this because Captain America: The First Avenger uses this technique very extensively through the movie.  Straightaway, as the movie opens, it has a very distinct Indiana Jones vibe to it, as you have Nazis going after artifacts during World War II.  Unlike X-Men, I have very little knowledge of Captain America from the comics going in, and the opening of the film was really hard to grasp on the first viewing.  When the movie puts you off-balance so early, it's hard to recover.

Anyway, from the snow-covered sections the movie shifts to the United States so that we can see the scrawny kid that the military will eventually turn into Captain America.  He mostly complains that the army will not accept him to go to war as he has myriad disqualifying conditions (there was a list, but I didn't see all of it... the only one I remember was asthma).  He ends up capturing the attention of The Good Mad Scientist (with Action Jewish Accent <tm>!) and through showing his intelligence as well, The Good Mad Scientist decides that he wants to use his Super Soldier process on the scrawny kid.  This is where we find out that not only does The Good Mad Scientist have full authority to pick his victim (without ANY input from the remaining U.S. Army), he also gets the army to foot the bill for setting up an elaborate secret la-BOR-a-tory behind the facade of an antiques shop plus all of the expertise from Tony Stark's father (or grandfather?).

Thankfully, The Good Mad Scientist is a scientist at heart, or I'd also be complaining about the fact that he picked a dude with a massive laundry list of preexisting conditions, had a talk about how the process will magnify everything about a person, yet none of the preexisting conditions were magnified... they ended up gone.  This also relieves me of complaining about how The Good Mad Scientist picks someone with all these preexisting conditions yet expects them to survive the process... he must know about this thing more than I.

While we already met the token eye-candy of the film in the form of what seems to be the British secret-agent oversight of this U.S. project, we get the remainder of the eye-candy in the next scenes.  Instead of sending Captain America off to the front lines, he goes on a song-and-dance routine with the girls to whip up support in purchasing U.S. war bonds.  Here's where the outfit and first shield debut, and the handwave is certainly better than nothing.

He ends up getting to the front line with his backup dancers on the USO tour and the soldiers predictably tell him to stuff his routine and that they'd rather see the girls.  Captain America then meets up with the original British spy and the original colonel (Tommy Lee Jones) that oversaw the beginning of the project.  After questions regarding his manhood, and realizing that his friend didn't come back from a raid, he goes single-handedly with Stark and the British agent inserting him into the warzone.  They end up getting shot at in the plane, and Captain America is inserted via parachute (?!, in a hot war zone where he's a sitting duck to ordinance fire?).

From what I'm remembering of the single time viewing the show, we are told earlier that the remainder of the battalion that Captain America's friend belongs to is held thirty miles from "the front".  They go there.... and find a massive erection of concrete.  This thing was supposed to have been a weapons factory plus prison... and all the "bogus" bells start firing again.  Why in Italy when you have so many Black Forest / Bavarian hills / out of the way Alps that you can build a weapons factory, rather than risk it falling if either the Allies took Italy (the PERIPHERY!) or if Italy told the Axis to bug off?  This thing was also very recent, which speaks to how much money and manpower it took to build it.  I'm misremembering exactly when Elrond/Mr. Smith decided that he wasn't a Nazi anymore and that he'd be his own country (Heil Hydra!), but it's amazing that this soldier has the money and pull to be able to build this massive facility plus dungeon plus manpower plus the other five facilities plus the setting for the last fight.

Shortly afterward we get a chance to check out The Great Escape, as Captain America frees the convicts.  Then we go into a set piece of Saving Private Ryan.  And, if it wasn't completely apparent from the submarine seen in the first act, we find out that this movie is a style parody in a different way.  It's a style parody of reality.  We have the 1940s, New York, old-timey vehicles, facial hair, the whole nine yards, so that we're grounded in real reality.  But then we find out that there are video cameras the size of a pack of cigarettes and monitors that are black-and-white but contain a nine-inch screen without a four-foot by four-foot by two-foot cabinet behind them.  The villain also has modern vehicles dressed up to look like tanks... they're essentially Humvees with turrets.... despite the fact that 1940's suspensions would have made them an expensive unpractical boondoggle.  It's this point where you figure out that this isn't really supposed to be our world circa 1940, but Marvel's slightly askew world circa 1940 where 95% of the things that happened in the real world happened here, but the last 5% (superheroes, selective technology) also happened here.

Warning -- spoilers start here.  So, Captain America frees the convicts, gets Tommy Lee Jones' approval as well as the additional approval of the British superspy, and ends up forming a team of men to combat Elrond's (well, Red Skull's) various additional weapon plants that they foolishly left on a corporate directory (see, the Internet wasn't quite around at this point, amazingly enough).  Captain America ends up losing his friend on a bullet train in the Alps (?! again) and goes to the final facility to beat up Elrond.  While I know that the fight in The Phantom Menace was not only two-on-one but also with lightsabres, I can still squint and see the same fight in Captain America.  At this point, Elrond escapes in Dr. Wily fashion to his B2 Spirit, where we find out that the bombs in the bomb-bay are really superfast small aircraft.  And oh, by the way, the B2 has the same speed as an SR-71, as it's coming into New York in a matter of minutes.  After Captain America traps Red Skull into a HX-368 style cube (talk about movies evoking other movies!), he decides that the only way to save New York City is to crash-land the B2, forgetting that Gander AFB is like three inches to the right.

And at the end of all of this, we find out that there are motherf@#*$in' snakes on this motherf&*$@in' plane.  I know, Hollywood, you got the idea to telegraph sequels when Steven Spielburg told Robert Zemeckis that it was okay, but this habit's really getting annoying now.  

Overall, this movie is enjoyable in two circumstances... if you're a fanboy or fangirl who likes the comics and wants to see Captain America's current origin story and can ignore whatever inconsistencies there are (are there any?).  The other way is to suspend as much disbelief as possible and to remember that this world is 95% similar to the History-Channel world we inhabit, and to allow the other 5% to be just more of the Captain America story.  There is some small amounts of humor in with all the action, but this is purely action through and through... no matter how much they wanted us to take the short detour of angst with Cap's buddy dying.

Review: 1.8 out of 4

Sleeping Douches...

I don't know why I'm surprised...

I just bought 'Sleeping Dogs' on Steam for 1/2 price, I should've known there was something wrong with that from the get-go. Ironically, I passed up getting 'Alpha Protocol' for $4.99 because I knew how buggy it was and figured I'd go with the safer, more stable bet with 'Sleeping Dogs'...

What a fucking joke... and it's on me.

I booted up the game, and yes, my system, video card, drivers, etc are all capable of running the game and they're all up to date. Everything was running fine at the menu screen. And then when I started a new game, it just froze and crashed. I tried adjusting the settings for a while, nothing. I tried the game vanilla, nothing. I tried it with the high resolution patch, nothing, freeze and crash, rinse and repeat.

So I looked on Steam and various other forums for help, and to my great dismay, I found that not only was this crashing problem fairly common, it has yet to be fixed TWO MONTHS after the game was released! Despite about six or so patches being released for the game so far.

This is just mind-boggling to me that a company could be that fucking lazy about fixing such a critical bug. I previously complained about Fallout: New Vegas being buggy during release but they FIXED IT within the first couple of weeks and at least that game had the decency to run for a few hours before crashing.

Apparently now I have to check the technical issue forums of every game I ever think about buying beforehand in order make sure it isn't an unplayable pile of shit. And I don't care if the pirated version works, I don't WANT to be a pirate! I paid for the game, I want it to FUCKING WORK! -_-;

Anyway, I'm planning on complaining to Steam tomorrow and hopefully getting a refund or store credit so this wasn't a complete waste of my time and money. I already tried visiting the Square-Enix forum and the best advice they could give me was 'Make sure your disc isn't scratched'. Wow, thanks, Square-Enix. I can hardly wait to see how badly you're going to fuck up Hitman: Absolution now... ^_^;

#2LR Too Late Reviews: First Impression, "Working!!"

Reviewing an anime series is a bit different than reviewing a movie.  If an anime goes on for twenty-six episodes, it ends up at about nine or so hours, give or take a few minutes based on commercials, opening theme, and next week's preview.  There's so much more time to fill with an anime series than there is a movie.

There are movies that promise an immersive experience, such as Avatar, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, or even the Harry Potter series.  You may note that there is, quite often, a direct relationship between how immersive the experience is and how long the film is.  (I'm sure that if you were to crunch the numbers, the eight films of Harry Potter would exceed the screentime that a season of anime brings.)

When you have all this time though, the setting itself almost becomes a character... Planet from Avatar, Middle-earth, Hogwarts... due to the fact that characters interact far more with the background when there is time and reason to show them interacting with the background.

I am currently viewing the anime "Working!!", set in a family restaurant called Wagnaria in Hokkaido, Japan.  (The English production is known by the name "Wagnaria!!")  As of so far, I am at episode 4, which has been introducing the characters one-by-one.  The show opens on what seems to be the current main protagonists, Takanashi, an 11th-grader who is roped into being a waiter at a family restaurant by one of his (here-to-fore unknown) classmates, 12th-grade Poplar.  She's super-short, and Takanashi loves short stuff, though "not in a creepy way" he maintains creepily.  Takanashi's mouth gets him into trouble at times as well.

For her efforts, Poplar is short and reminded of it constantly, from customers mistaking her for an elementary-school kid to not being able to put things on high shelves to not being able to carry dishes to the sink.  One of the enjoyable things about Japanese though is that practically everything is a pun, and Poplar in this case is no exception.  Her happiness and bubbly personality have made her popular (see?) with her coworkers.

The other denizens of this series are being introduced as well, including the manager who does not lead by example, her second-in-command that lives only to serve the manager, the two cooks (one aloof and the other conniving), and the other waitress who is scared of (and therefore hits) all men.  Since there's so much studio space to explore, the characters are gaining backstories, additional quirks, and other sources of conflict and comedy as the series goes on.

If I were to compare this series to anything, I would say that it would be as close as one could get to crossing "Azumanga Daioh" with "The Office", and setting it all in a restaurant.  Much like "Azumanga", "Working!!" came from four-panel comics which gives the episodes a feeling of hit-release-hit-release that wouldn't normally occur with a twenty-minute show... most times when you're watching a show, the action builds on itself while there are times that a set piece is purposed for a joke, and then everyone goes back to what they were doing.  While the plots for each episode are self-contained there are still moments where you can almost see the direction your eye is supposed to go to get to the next comic.

And yes, this all loops back to the introduction.  The restaurant itself, Wagnaria, is a family restaurant.  There is no fine-dining here... but everyone's set up for it.  The waitstaff is all impeccable in their crisp white shirts, Takanashi's bow-tie, and the girls' skirts.  The kitchen staff is just as impeccable -- amazing in the context of a restaurant that there's not even a single stain on them.  In one episode, Poplar is trying to demonstrate how to dry dishes without fingerprints left on them, which shows a fastidiousness that may be purely Japanese but is still unfamiliar for such an informal restaurant format.

So, therefore, at this moment in watching the series, I feel as if the restaurant (i.e. the setting) itself is throwing the most major paradox.  I may be off-base and seeing something that isn't there, but these characters almost don't fit in the box that's been drawn for them.  On the other hand, you could even say the same thing for the characters of "The Office", in that the whole conceit was that you had all these dysfunctional people brought together to complete a goal that they would possibly be better at without all the other dysfunctional people underfoot.

Since it had been a while, I checked a few other series ("Soul Eater", "Puella Magi Madoka Magica") along with "Working!!" to see if there was one I would be interested in watching.  I realized that the last few series that I have enjoyed the most ("The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya", "Azumanga Daioh") were ones that could be called "slice of life", and that "Working!!" is similar in tone and setting.  I expect that this series will get a couple extra notches due to my biases, but I will strive to offer both the good and the bad of this series as best as possible.  And yes, I will be working back to the other series mentioned above eventually.

The plan is to stop every few episodes and to give an indication of my thoughts, especially since when you stack four to five episodes it's practically movie-length anyway.  Reviews will follow and Season 1 (there are two) will receive a grade once I reach the end.

Incidentally,

I have created a Twitter feed for myself at @ZoogzMST.  At this point, I have been putting up blog announcements, but in the future there may be additional comments/commentary especially if I am doing a liveMST-style running commentary on any television shows or movies.  Feel free to check it out.

Edit for 21:00, same evening -- I also updated the blog.  I was tired of not having an "older posts" link at the bottom, instead making everyone page through the archives with the date links.  I suppose that's what you get when you decide on a template in 2007 and *never update it*.

Too Late Reviews (#2LR) - X-Men: First Class

Last week, we covered the art of the sequel.  This week, we will be covering the art of the prequel.  As far as comic books go, your reviewer has some slight familiarity with most characters.  As far as X-Men goes though, I had the benefit of watching the Saturday morning cartoon which allowed me to become at least passingly conversant with the characters.

It turned out that it also at least helped me to know some of the plot of X-Men: First Class in advance too.  Ultimately, this movie was about connections... the first one is between Magneto and his rage, personified by Kevin Bacon, and the second between Charles Xavier and Mystique.  From there, we learn about a rogue (HA!) team of mutants headed by the same Kevin Bacon (cross THAT off my bucket list) who just wants the world to blow up.  Just after, the CIA makes the connection between funny business and mutants with the help of another recurring character, who was amazingly never caught when sneaking (or, really, *slinking*) up and checking out what all the noise was about.

It is then that Xavier and Mystique ("Raven" in this story) get drafted into the CIA, picking up Magneto ("Erik") as he attempts to go after Kevin Bacon out of revenge.  Not a surprising impulse, I'm sure.  The rest of the team gets sniffed out by Xavier and his +3 Radar Dome of Casting Call, including a brief Hugh Jackman sighting.  It's during this part that the movie does some of its most... subversive work, as they find and add two white boys, a Hispanic girl, and then the token African-American character driving a taxi.  After the "team" is gathered, it's proven that the CIA stands for "Cannon-fodder Is All-of-us" as they get decimated by the Bacon Mutantz.  Bacon himself has his diabolical speech, including asking if the mutants being housed by the CIA want to be "slaves"... as the camera then goes for the tight-focus on the black guy... and when the Xavier/Magneto mutants decide that they do not want any part of being a Kevin Bacon production, the black guy is the one who buys the farm.

At that point, the movie starts to hit some of the continuity stuff.  Xavier is shown training his mutants, Magneto starts with the mutant pride rhetoric, which pulls in Mystique, and Hank McCoy becomes... well, a blue bear-wolf-dog thing which presumably leads to him being the Beast.  The Blackbird makes its appearance as well.

The last third or so of the movie is the big set piece, where aspects of the Russian Missile Crisis serve as the backdrop to Evil Real Kevin Bacon's diabolical plan.  Y'see, he wants World War III because... well, because it'll kill lotso Muggles, I suppose.  Part of Bacon's pep talk to the other mutants was that they could live like kings... but Kevin Bacon was already living like a king, with a yacht AND a nuclear submarine, all pimped out like mad.

Side note here... it's fascinating how many times this trope is seen.  Don't all diabolical masterminds understand that owning everything is useless if there's no one to maintain it to your best benefit?  What's the point of destroying humanity if no one's going to run the power plant to make sure your 112" 1080p television works, or to make sure that there's water enough for your jacuzzi and indoor pool?  Who's going to design the next Bugatti for you to own, and who'll act as the policemen to snarl traffic so that you can laugh at them as you zip by, knowing that traffic jams are for peasants?  This even extends to the Atlas Shrugged set, because railroads are extremely, EXTREMELY useless without people at both ends demanding transportation or cargoes, and bluesteel/copper/unlimited free energy in large quantities is pointless if no one is there to consume it.  And, most importantly, what is the point of power if there is no one around to worship you for your amazing power and for you to exert control over to demonstrate how cool you are?

Anyway, the X-Man team flies to where the Soviets are sailing the missiles into Cuba, has one of the Soviets completely blow up the second ship (?!, not really very non-violent, Mister Doctor Professor Xavier) and then Magneto unearths the nuclear sub.  The Magneto-Kevin Bacon fight commences, and as predicted Magneto wins with Xavier's help.

At the end, it's shown that Magneto really just wanted to be Kevin Bacon but couldn't be on Kevin Bacon's side.  It's (half-hearted spoiler alert) while he agreed one hundred percent with Kevin Bacon's treatment of every one else, he couldn't agree with Kevin Bacon's treatment of his own dear ma-ma.  After that is the denouement and the oh-so-predictable credits.

You may notice far more plot being outlined here, and that's because the movie was pretty much all plot.  They attempted to shoehorn in Xavier's message, and they even did an admirable job of taping together the fact that Xavier's worldview is as caught up in Xavier's circumstances as Magneto's worldview is caught up in Magneto's.  They even did an interesting job of showing how some people may have other's best interests in mind, but they end up coming off as sanctimonious jerkwads (i.e. the Mystique situation, where she refers to herself at one point as "[Xavier's] pet".

At its heart, the movie is an action flick though, and the action sequences are not bad for pacing and for motion.  There were a few nausea-inducing roller-coaster spots, because when you have mutants that can fly you're gonna get that green-screen stuff in somewhere.  It's not as if I am expecting X-Men: First Class to carry a deep message and make me think, but the scriptwriters, producers, and director knew that the story going in was going to be just as much cerebral as action because of Magneto's character arc.  Giving a bit more time to exactly why Magneto decided that Kevin Bacon was his future course would've helped the plot (and the climax, and the conclusion) to have at least a bit more consistency.

Final rating : 2.1

Knowledge:

There are two paths to creating new knowledge... study leading to new ideas ruthlessly subjected to scientific process and peer review which take days, months, years, decades, even generations for possible overall acceptance... or making it the hell up.

Odd thoughts on a Wednesday...

What if humans are really bacteria's greatest design ever?  We're not only food for them, but we've taught them how to eat other foods (e.g. petroleum) and helped to make them immune from debilitating drugs (e.g. penicillin).  They probably made us so that we could learn to launch spacecraft; then bacteria could inhabit new worlds on our space probes with their new-found superpowers.